grad season 🥺

Don’t be alarmed. This is a pic of my insane packing right before I moved out of my apartment this year 😦

T-3 days before I watch a ton of my pals, including coffee date #25, graduate 🥺. Thus, due to my weird feelings and emotions, I wanted to write about how much things change every year when we come back to college. All throughout middle school and high school, every year felt the same socially – I was with the same group of kids, who all lived in the same town. College, however, has been different. 

Coffee date #26 and #33 have both told me how they essentially started off every academic year in college with a new friend group or friend. This isn’t a ‘bad’ thing or a ‘red flag.’ It’s just how college is. We often start off with a huge group of people that we had just met. We’re new, wild freshmen who have no idea what to expect in people. Then, we start to potentially become more clear about our boundaries and expectations and start to downsize our inner circle. Every year that inner circle may change, which means every year we’re cultivating a different set of memories with a different set of people. That’s okay. Some might be lucky enough to find their forever people who stuck with them for all 4 years and some may not. That’s okay. 

Last year, I met Shivdaballer and found my partner in crime. She then graduated college and I had to lowkey start all over again this year. Fortunately, I found my people again this year, but I found a whole bunch of them so late into the year (examples: coffee date #34 and coffee date #41). They’re seniors and they’re going to leave, just like Shivdaballer did. Therefore, I am naturally, once again, sitting in a puddle of those same weird feelings that I started this academic year with when I realized Shivdaballer will not be with me. 

This doesn’t necessarily mean that I am back to square one because I still do have my people who are not graduating this year. Nonetheless, it does mean that I am back to grieving the lost time with the people I met so late in college. If I had only met them earlier, maybe we would have made more memories together? Maybe we would have gotten to know everything about each other? Maybe we would have had more wild drunk nights together? Maybe we would have had more late night Wawa and Taco Bell runs together? Who knows. 

Connecting with so many seniors also has me ruminating about the people I will keep in touch with once it’s time for me to graduate the following year. Who do I see attending my ‘Wedding Party‘? This is a rather frightening question to ponder upon. I want them all at my Wedding Party, but I know that that won’t be the case because it’s only natural to drift apart. I know that a few will be my life-long companions; a bunch will shift into my acquaintance list; and a whole lot of them will become people I’ll occasionally see on Instagram, prompting me to reminisce about that one day we got drunk together or that one exam we crammed for together or that one event we hosted together.

College is a weird time in our lives and that weirdness is not talked about often. College is an incredibly exhilarating and enriching experience, yet at the same time, it’s also a wildly bittersweet rollercoaster ride. 

Congratulations to all my amazing homies who will be graduating this week. I will forever hold our memories in my heart. Ya’ll are precious ❤

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