coffee date #52 with elvin eren

Germany native, TCNJ student, Turkish, chemistry researcher, food technology and science student, Rocky aur Rani fan, world traveler

me: iced hazelnut latte with oat milk | elvin: iced hazelnut latte with almond milk
location: stud, the college of new jersey

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It was the day of MannMukti’s Price of Free screening at TCNJ. I was scared shitless because it was MannMukti’s first large-scale event of the semester. While mustering up the courage to speak in front of the ~ 50 people, a few hands raised up. One of them was Elvin’s.

The following day, we hosted another screening of the film Rocky aur Rani ki Prem Kahani. Out of the seven of us who showed up, Elvin was one of them. This was the day where we actually exchanged a few words before the film began. I learned that she is originally from Düsseldorf, Germany and came to the middle-of-nowhere TCNJ to do some chemistry research. #queen

Prior to the start of the film, Elvin surprised all of us as she began talking about past Indian movies she has watched and her favorite South Asian dishes and drinks. As we approached the intermission of the film, I begin to hear sniffling behind me. I slyly turned to see who was balling as they watched Rani and Rocky break up (oops spoiler?). It was Elvin 😅. Her friend passed her a tissue, and she dabbed her wet eyes that seemed to be producing more tears the more she dabbed.

I thought that would be the last time that I’d see Elvin. Little did I know, though, that she was researching with a chemistry professor who’s office was right across the chemistry professor that I was doing research with. So, every week, we’d see each other passing through the chemistry halls. We’d exchange conversations about our adventures, career plans, and much more. I honestly feel like this is what made my relationship with Elvin unique – we learned a lot about each other’s lives in bursts of 10-minute hallway conversations.

I then saw her at TCNJ’s Night Market event as we were standing in line to try some Vietnamese spring rolls. There, she mentioned that she was leaving to Düsseldorf that upcoming Saturday. I gasped and immediately knew that I had to do a coffee date with her before she left.

Thus, here we are now 🙂

Diving into the world of Elvin Eren…..

Epiphanies

• being in our 20s, freaking tf out, comparing ourselves

Attention all who are entering and currently in their 20s: we’re doing great, there’s no timeline, we make our own timeline!!!

Elvin started off as an Economics major. She then shifted gears and is now a food technology and science major. I mean she quite literally went from learning about money to food. I do want to acknowledge that we understand that this ability to have the support (eg, the emotional, financial, and familial) to switch career ideas and university majors is a privilege.

“What I want to do now does not mean that I may want to do the same thing in 20 years.” – Elvin Eren, 2024

For those of us with the privilege to pursue higher education, I think we need to allow ourselves to explore more. College is a one-time period in our lives. Education is a privilege and an honor. Using that privilege to actually cultivate knowledge and never-ending curiosity about subjects that truly bring us joy should be a priority for us (thank you coffee date #25). I do realize, however, that the education system may not be entirely supportive of the idea of learning for the sake of learning and living life. Instead, the education system is built upon the notion that the better you do in college, the more likely we’ll make a good career out of it. When we focus so much on what we will become in the future, we don’t have the space or ability to use learning as a tool to feed our curiosity in the present.

“I have an identity crisis daily.” – Elvin Eren, 2024

• Germans, the environment, & reusable cups

Elvin, a Germany native, noticed how us Americans don’t really do much for our environment, let alone care for it. As someone who has only ever lived in the U.S., everything seems so normal to me, so hearing Elvin talk about the differences she has seen in the way Americans vs Germans care for their environment has been illuminating.

Here are a couple examples that Elvin gave me:

Elvin attended a student org’s event on-campus. The room was decorated with loads of cute decorations. At the end of the event, Elvin noticed that the club’s members threw out all the decor. She was shocked to see students throwing out so many decorations and further explained that they could have done the same event 4 years later, when no one would remember the event, using the same decorations. This immediately brought me back to the number of events that I’ve run in college, where we may have also done a similar thing without even taking a second to think about it.

Elvin also gave me the example of the reusable cup system in Germany. This article explains it more eloquently than I am about to. Essentially, Germans can bring their reusable cup with them to restaurants and cafés so that they don’t have to use the one-time use and throw cups. For those who may forget to bring their own cups, Germany has also set up the Freiburg cup system. The Freiburg cup is a “hard plastic to-go cup with a disposable lid that customers can obtain with a €1 deposit and return to any one of the 100 participating businesses across the city. Participating stores have an identifying green sticker in the window. When you return the cup, these stores will disinfect and reuse the cups, which can be reused up to 400 times.” – World Economic Forum

Genius. This method saves hundreds of thousands of cups from being thrown away, preventing landfills from accumulating waste, and thereby, playing a teeny tiny role in helping saving our environment.

DID YOU KNOW? “If you buy just one cup of coffee or tea in a disposable cup every day, you’ll end up creating about 23 lbs of waste in one year.” – World Economic Forum

• cultural awareness

The #1 thing that made me feel instantly connected and safe with Elvin is her cultural awareness. When she came to the MannMukti events and even when we’d have our hallway conversations, she was always eager to learn more about my ethnic and cultural background. When I asked her how she navigates the world with so much cultural awareness for ALL cultures, she mentioned that it may have started from a young age from within her own home.

Elvin was born to Turkish Muslim parents, but she was never told to practice or even believe in the same religious systems as her parents. In fact, Elvin stated that her parents tried their best to expose her and her brother to as many different religions as possible so that their children can choose a belief system that best resonates with them. Beautiful 🥺

“Comfort is safety, but seeking discomfort opens up new windows.” – Elvin Eren, 2024

When we tried to dissect why religion and culture is such a huge barrier for kindness in today’s world, Elvin mentioned that it can be because the people who are already in power may be afraid of the new thoughts and beliefs that other cultures share because then, that would threaten their power. So, maybe that’s why people would rather just stay in their own little bubble instead of being willing to open up and learn about everyone and anyone.

“I don’t see new cultures as strange and weird. Instead, I see them as new and interesting.” – Elvin Eren, 2024

• Is the American Dream a scam?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer:

I’m someone who believes that the American Dream is a scam, so by the transitive property, so is the concept of chasing after happiness.

The American Dream is this idea that any person in the U.S. can have a rags-to-riches story as long as they “work hard and play hard.” There are so many parts to this theory that I disagree with.

Before I rip apart this theory, I do want to note that I am an Indian American. I am the child of immigrants, for whom the U.S. has done A LOT. However, as I got older, I’ve learned that I can live in a space of gratitude and skepticism for this country.

Let’s start with the fact that the American Dream states that anyone can become successful. America is built on racism, inequality, oppression, and so much more. It is unjust to claim that any layman can achieve the heights of success in this country. A person’s socioeconomic background plays a HUGE role in how far they can climb the social/financial ladder in the U.S. Malcom Gladwell’s Outliers dives deeper into the intricacies of how the most “successful” people became successful (a great read!).

Additionally, wtf does “success” even mean? The American Dream’s version of success, at least imo, is money: the richer you are, the more successful you are. Money is important, sure, but it should not be the only thing that is important in one’s life. Those who were brainwashed into believing in the American Dream (eg, my parents and potentially other immigrant parents) chase after money for majority of their lives thinking that money will equate to happiness. Thus, in reality, they’re really chasing after happiness, and so that means that this chase for happiness is also a scam. It’s like a dog chasing after its own tail.

Coffee date #29 once said that instead of wanting to be happy, it’s more realistic and authentic to aim to be content. In other words, isn’t it better to live each day in a balanced and genuine way, where you feel all the feels, but then come back to the baseline contentment? Idk if that made sense, but I’ll dig deeper into this as I ruminate more about it.

• Elvin’s life advice 🥺

“In whatever circumstance you are in, try to put love over fear and keep in mind that we’re all human.”
– Elvin Eren, 2024