coffee date #60 with sreekar bathula

UIUC alum 😭, software engineer, an ATL hoe (any DDN fans?), photographer 😉, car fanatic

me: adeni tea | bathu: adeni tea
location: moka & co, new york city

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A quick trip down memory lane:

It was April 8, 2019. The doorbell rang and I was greeted by an employee holding a bouquet of flowers with a card attached that read, “Happy Birthday Esha.”

No signature. No proof of life.

I naively texted my Uncle, “Thanks for the flowers!”

The Uncle immediately responded, “What flowers?”

And then began the Kode hunt to figure out who had sent the birthday girl flowers. Hours passed, the fam and I went to dinner, and returned. My father was hellbent on discovering the owner of the damn bouquet, so he had the brilliant idea of True Caller IDing the number that was stupidly left on the bottom of the card.

“Esha amma, do you know a Bathula?” he asked.

My poor 17 year old body froze. Naive, little 18 year old Sreekar Bathula left his MOTHER’S phone number on a birthday bouquet and almost got me caught and whipped.

Nearly six years later, we’ve remained as either active participants or silent observers in each other’s lives – growing from immature high schoolers to slightly more mature college kids to now….(mature?) adults.

This was a long overdue coffee date. It would’ve happened weeks ago if Bathu hadn’t gotten shitfaced in NY and left me hanging. At least he came back and didn’t flake again. Am I salty? Obviously not.

Epiphanies

• American individualism vs Indian collectivism

The first time I met Bathu in Hyderabad was at this dingy ass bar (was it even a bar?) called Hoppipola, which has since permanently closed down lol. Despite that, I remember having the time of my life in Hyderabad every time I visited once I actually made friends (s/o coffee date #32).

There’s something about life in Hyderabad that feels settling. People look like you, speak like you, understand you. Shared cultural experiences create a sense of comfort and being seen. Of course, like anywhere, it has its pros and cons. But there’s an ease to it.

Bathu described life in Hyderabad as more communal than life here in the U.S. In America, independence is glorified. There’s pride in doing things alone, in building something from nothing (ie, American Dream™). In India, or really any collectivist culture, life works differently. Things are done together. Community connection is something that is embedded into one’s daily life.

Every time I visit Hyderabad, I see the doors of homes always open. People walk in and out for chai, for snacks, for conversation, for no reason at all. There’s a constant flow of people and connection that feels so natural there, and so rare here. There’s a sense of casual, everyday togetherness there that I don’t feel here.

We’re social creatures. We’re meant to live in communion with one another. We’re not supposed to be doing it all alone. Joy feels fuller when it’s shared.

• a software engineer’s take on money and wealth

Bathu and I have had many conversations about money: what it actually means, how much we really need, and whether we end up defining ourselves by what we earn.

As a software engineer, Bathu surely makes a shit ton of money. But what stands out more than the amount is his relationship with it. He’s smart with it. He saves, invests, and plans. At the same time, he has the acute understanding that time is far more precious than the amount in your bank account (see the last bullet point).

Of course, coming to that realization comes from a place of immense privilege. Only those who’ve experienced the power of money can realize that money can buy the ability to navigate life more comfortably, but it can’t buy happiness itself.

“Money is just paper bro. You’re not going to live forever.” – Sreekar Bathula, 2025

Money and wealth are emotionally charged topics because, in today’s world, we need a certain amount just to survive. The problem isn’t wanting financial security. It’s not knowing when to stop chasing more.

And that’s the scary part.

So really… how do we know when enough is enough?

• is love enough for a relationship?

Up until this year, I believed love was enough for a strong, healthy, long-lasting, forever type of relationship. I was then taught and shown that love alone isn’t enough. Love is that spark and feeling that exists and morphs throughout the relationship; however, for it to be truly sustainable, there has to be trust and respect alongside love.

“There’s no love without care.” – Sreekar Bathula, 2025

According to Bathu, love is just “chemicals in your head,” but care is the action – the choices that define and portray the love that people have for each other. When we care for someone, we show up for them. Apologies with change. Affection with safety. Love with respect.

So maybe love is the ignition, but care (wrapped in trust and respect) is what keeps it going for decades down the line?

• life in our 20s

Bathu and I agree that life moves extremely fast in our 20s. I swear I age a decade every year.

At 20, I was still in college 😭 – a child.
At 21, I became legal enough to do pretty much anything.
At 22, I teetered between youthful college days and impending adult decisions.
At 23, I pay taxes and feel like a 50 year old.

“In your 20s, every year is growth.” – Sreekar Bathula, 2025

There’s so much pressure to have everything figured out in this decade, but honestly, I think most people spend their entire lives not knowing what the hell they want. And isn’t that kind of the point? To keep evolving? To keep discovering? I don’t know.

Somewhere along the way, we’re sold the idea that our 20s are for hustling; we have to work tirelessly so we can make as much money as possible, so we can be deemed “successful.” It’s almost as if we’re taught to believe that life ends at 30, so we better do it all now while we still can. I refuse to believe that. In fact, I’m scared of that belief. Because if we’re always hustling, how do we ever know when it’s okay to stop?

We forget that time, not money, is our biggest asset.

Bathu explained that when his grandfather is asked, “What is the most important thing in life?”
He responds, “Time and health.”

When we’re younger, we rush to grow up. When we’re “grown up,” we rush to live. But time is precious. Time gives us the chance to explore. To love. To be seen. To fail. To learn.

So maybe instead of spending our entire childhood preparing to “make it” after college, we should start instilling something else: go be free, child. But what do I know? I’m just a lost 23-year-old trying to figure it out too.

“Isn’t it crazy that you’re the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be?” – Sreekar Bathula, 2025