coffee date #18 with asmitha sathya
me: starbucks dark hot chocolate | asmi: starbucks dark hot chocolate
location: asmitha sathya’s basement, new jersey
Asmitha Sathya is one of those human beings who I’ve known since the day she has blessed this Earth, similar to how Anvitha Sathya (Asmi’s sister and my future coffee date) has known me since the day I was born.
All 3 of us went to the same elementary and middle school, so we’d come home on the bus and go to my house, where we’d spend hours together (doing the weirdest things) before our parents returned from work.
Interrupting your reading to bless your eyes with baby pics below that make the 3 of us look as though we are currently grandmas. From L to R: Anvi, Asmi, Me.
Asmi had her cute Dora hair cut and always carried a fluffy blanket around wherever she went. The baby Asmi who I remember was full of energy and emotions.
Here’s how I’m going to attempt to describe the Asmi I know now:
You know how people say that meditation is life changing and makes you realize that life is a lot more in-depth than how us normal people perceive it to be? When someone finally taps into that higher meaning during their meditative practice, their aura just changes. They’re much more calmer, happier, vibrant, and just glowing. That energy radiates and almost seeps into those around them. This is exactly how I would describe Asmi. She’s calm, vibrant, and her energy is incredible!
I vividly remember sitting at her kitchen table one day last year. We were both supposed to be working on our homework, but I was just being my normal anxious self as I, rather dramatically, said to Asmi, “I’m gonna fail this test. And then my life will suck.” I’m sure I added some more things about how grades are so intimidating and stressful.
Asmi replied something along the lines of, “It really doesn’t matter though. Genuinely, in the long-scale of things, they don’t matter.” A lot of people have told me that, but Asmi is the first person who I could tell actually believed it. She has that personality that makes those around her feel seen, valued, and heard. It’s rare and it’s beautiful.
Note: Asmi is a laugher, like a BIG LAUGHER. There were so many times when she’d just laugh for absolutely no reason and I’d be confused, but found myself laughing my head off with her because that’s how contagious her personality is.
“I love laughing.” – Asmitha Sathya, 2021
- We don’t have to be the best in everything we do.
Asmi and I played tennis for our home high school together for a year. I quit after that year, but Asmi stuck with it for the next 2 years.
When I asked her why she stayed even though we both talked about how the vibe and energy of the team and sport wasn’t matching ours, she said that she realized she doesn’t have to be the best in everything she does.
We both were definitely not the best players on the team, so there was something nagging at us in the beginning. Asmi described it as feeling as though we’re burdening the team because we weren’t good enough. However, soon she realized that she could just take it easy and have fun with the sport. After all, she’s not trying to become a professional tennis player, so it’s okay to not be the best player on the court.
“I don’t have to be winning everything all the time. It’s nice not always being at the top.” – Asmitha Sathya, 2021
In such a competitive world, I think we overcomplicate life and forget to simply have fun before we no longer have the chance to.
- Being attentive during conversations shows others that you care.
One of the most wholesome feelings for Asmi in friendships is when the other person remembers what she told them before.
I never even thought about something as simple as this making such a huge difference in relationships. However, now that I think about it, coffee date #5 remembers so many things that I tell her, which shows me that she is being present and cares about what I’m saying.
On the other hand, it’s also important to note that no one can remember everything that you tell them, so we also cannot hold such high expectations.
In conclusion, be attentive and present because it makes the other person feel worthy.
- Finding a creative passion fuels confidence and self-love.
I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot. Schools are a great way for students to gain social skills and academic knowledge, but I feel like one of their major cons is the fact that they dampen children’s creativity. Schools cultivate an environment that makes children feel as though they need to change themselves to fit in. They start to mold themselves to fit into the cage created for them by our society. Therefore, the social skills that schools teach can directly inhibit a child’s creativity.
Since we cannot have schools do everything for our children, I think this is where parents come in. Parents should most definitely encourage children to pursue extracurriculars that have no relation to academics what-so-ever.
Asmi’s creative expression was unveiled through Kuchipudi. Through her numerous years of learning this form of classical dance, she claims that her confidence grew.
“You can see yourself progressing by winning little accomplishments every time.” – Asmitha Sathya, 2021
Every creative passion involves finding beauty in the small wins. An author will win every time they develop a manuscript for a book, and then undergo the tedious process of editing and revising multiple times. A photographer will win every time they learn a new trick and continuously improve on their skill. Creativity breeds self-confidence.
- Time-blocking can be anxiety provoking.
I had to ask one of the most zen people I know if she ever gets anxious. Asmi told me that her source of anxiety usually stems from not adhering to her schedule.
She used to schedule ahead of time what she was supposed to do every hour of the day (similar to how I structure my bullet journal 🙈). Therefore, if by chance she didn’t fulfill those tasks by the scheduled time, that’s when the anxiety creeped in and ultimately ruined the rest of her day. SAME!
She now made a simple tweak to her planning to make sure that she doesn’t get as anxious all the time. Instead of planning out what she has to do every hour, she just writes her tasks on post-it notes and completes them whenever she needs to. This way she is not limiting herself to completing that task at a specified time. She can fulfil it on her own time when she feels the most comfortable.
- Hating someone requires so much energy.
I have NEVER met someone – other than Asmi – who genuinely does not have an ounce of hatred towards someone else.
We straight up sat for 2-3 minutes in silence as Asmi was trying to recall a time when she ever hated someone. She said that there were definitely times when people would say or do things that she didn’t like, but it was never enough to make her completely hate them.
Asmi mentioned that to hate someone, she has to put in an immense amount of energy. Instead, if she really needs to, she can just distance herself from them and that’s the end of it. She doesn’t have any of those lingering feelings of hatred holding her back. A queen.
- Coping mechanisms do not always have to include wallowing in self-pity.
Asmi is probably one of the only people in my life who has this way of coping – a way that I wish to mimic.
On my bad days, I feel like shit the whole day and maybe even let it slide into the next day as well.
On the other hand, Asmi’s way of coping with her bad day is realizing that she can just turn it around by doing things she loves – such as cooking, watching a favorite movie, napping.
According to Radhi and Lisa (in the above video), when we wallow, we aren’t even making the effort to understand what went wrong and why we feel the way we do. We just sit in a puddle of self-pity, which inevitably gets us nowhere.
Therefore, after taking an allotted amount of time to sit with our feelings, it’s needed to return to something that gives us joy and reminds us that we are worthy, we are okay, and everything that’s happening is temporary. When Asmi shared that this is how she copes, I found it to be so beautiful because not everyone has that ability.
- Realize that people have bigger and better things to worry about than you.
“You’re not the center of everyone’s world.” – Asmitha Sathya, 2021
Overthinking is a skill that many of us have, and is something that we should actively try to move past.
Life is temporary, so if we keep putting energy into what others are thinking of us, life is going to zoom by and we won’t even realize it.
“No one else is going to care about you as much as you care about yourself.” – Asmitha Sathya, 2021
- Being comfortable with being alone.
Asmi is one of the most self-secure people I know. She is one of those rare few who is comfortable being alone with herself.
This is something that isn’t talked about enough. I think it’s important to understand who we are because how else are we supposed to tackle the world? How else can we one day (if we want to) move out of our homes and live an independent life, where we are no longer dependent on our parents for food, shelter, money, and even happiness?
Allowing the thoughts to float by and allowing ourselves to feel comfortable being alone is a trait that we should all try to possess. It’ll work for some of us, and it won’t work for others. But we should at least try, right?