coffee date #3 with vidushi singh

customer experience manager @ Michaels, cybersecurity undergrad major, flawless dancer, parrot mom, tattoo queen

key note: Vidushi taught me that I could use air freshener as perfume in case I don’t have perfume during a crisis #lifechanging

me: black hazelnut coffee | vibhu: hazelnut coffee with sugar
location: vidushi singh’s cozy home, new jersey

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Upon first glance (nearly 3 years ago), Vidushi reminded me of those carefree, top-of-the-life souls you find wearing Baja hoodies with their headphones in and walking on the boardwalks. They vibe with themselves and radiate such contagious positivity that you end up grooving with them!

After getting closer with her, she now reminds me of Marina from the Netflix Spanish show, Elité – someone who shows one aspect of herself to the outside world, but has so many more beautiful and authentic layers on the inside that only a minute few have the pleasure of getting to know. This is how most of us are, but it’s even more evident with Vidushi.

Vidushi is also an Arya dancer, which is how our friendship started. Sanjana, Vidushi, and I used to carpool to our weekly troupe practices. We were driven by our parents, so there wasn’t much we could talk about ;). The hour long drives turned into naps or individual headphone sessions.

We connected more when Sanj and Vidushi were able to drive around alone. That’s when we all started going on spontaneous adventures. After our Friday dance classes, for example, I’d meet with them and we’d try to record ridiculous dance videos in the halls, dip our feet into the chlorine-filled pool of hotels, eat at local restaurants around town, or even go on random nighttime walks (very therapeutic btw!).

Vidushi is a profound listener. No matter what the topic is, if you need advice, she’ll be glued to listening to everything you’re saying and will value your opinions. At the same time, she will provide unfiltered and honest advice. What I admire the most about her is the way she proudly accepts that she doesn’t know what to advise in a given situation. This is a big thing for me because sometimes I feel like I have to give the other person advice, no matter what, if they’re coming to me. This increases my anxiety levels and puts me in an awkward and more pressurized position. However, through Vidushi, I learned that we must know when to accept when we know or don’t know something- it’s completely okay!

I also appreciate her vulnerability. It’s not easy to be vulnerable, no matter who the other person is, so Vidhushi’s ability to trust us enough to share her life experiences is commendable.

Epiphanies

• Loneliness is a real thing and many succumb to it.

With the pandemic restricting us from meeting people, I realized that I love being alone. I find comfort in staying at home, not speaking to anyone, and following a strict routine. Towards the end of the year, I realized that that is definitely not healthy. This was actually one of the main reasons why I started this Fifty Coffees journey- I was so afraid of my comfort with being alone.

A big part of my conversation with Vidushi was about loneliness. Vidushi is also the type of person who finds comfort in being alone. I don’t think this idea of being okay with being lonely is talked about enough. She described it like this:

“If I’m at work or already outside with people and you text me to hangout, then I’ll be like ‘yeahhh!! let’s do it!,’ but if I’m at home and alone, I’m more comfortable being alone than hanging out.” – Vidushi Singh, 2021

YES! I thought I was the only wacko one who felt like that, but in reality, I’d react the same way that Vidushi described she would react. We came to the conclusion that that feeling of wanting social connections, but also not having the energy and desire to maintain them due to our comfort in being alone is not a healthy feeling. Realizing our own flaws is the FIRST step to bettering ourselves, so thank you Vidushi for this epiphany 🙂

What made me the most happy was when Vidushi told me that this Fifty Coffees initiative had inspired her to get out of her comfort zone and seek to talk to more people- whether she knew the other person or not. It’s a goal we both made for ourselves: just talk to people. It sounds easy and maybe even stupid, but social connection is so important and Vidushi made me realize the significance of people and even this whole blog.

“They can not like me, but I’m still going to make an effort to talk them because connecting with others is so important.” – Vidushi Singh, 2021

• Everyone should go to therapy at least once in their life.

Thankfully the whole idea of therapy is being talked about more and more these days. However, there is still such a huge stigma surrounding it. We both did touch upon the importance of therapy during our conversation, in which we believed that having that “stranger” listen to everything you have to say, without any judgements and inhibitions, is truly liberating. Then, having that person be able to advise and guide you forward puts you on a beautiful reflective path that every single person should have the pleasure of walking down.

• Find your own therapy.

Along with having that one person to talk to about your feelings, discovering your own therapy is also crucial! For Vidushi, her therapy is dancing. Dancing is a way for her to rediscover herself every time.

“I was always a shadow.” – Vidushi Singh, 2021

When she’s in practice or onstage, Vidushi is no longer a shadow. There are no worries: she’s in the present moment, enjoying herself. Finding that one thing or activity that truly makes your heart content is pivotal.

• Social media should not be the cause of one’s anxiety.

In today’s day and age, especially for my generation, social media is toxic. Not only do we compare ourselves so much online, but we’re also exposing ourselves to the innate judgements of other people. Some will even be “kind” enough to ensure that we know that they thought that our post or video sucked by sending an unnecessary message or comment.

Vidushi has reached the point where she is secure with her online presence.

“If you’re on my account, then you’re not going to judge me because if you don’t like me, then you’re just going to unfollow me. And if you did unfollow me, then that just means I didn’t need you in my life.” – Vidushi Singh, 2021

Bold, but true. We have to stop basing our self-worth off of the words of faceless people on online platforms!