I am the queen of setting an excessive number of New Year’s resolutions and then not following through with them throughout the course of that year. Two days ago I found this 👇🏽 gem of an Apple note that I created in December 2018 (being a bit vulnerable by sharing the screenshot :/). It was a wholesome, yet weird feeling to ruminate over this list nearly 2 years later.

Thank god Apple saved this note because it has now given me the chance to reflect.

I like how the 2018 me was trying to dig into bettering myself internally. Not gonna lie, I laughed when I read “give 0 shits about other people’s opinions.” Reading that made me realize that at one point in my life, I was obsessed over other people’s opinions of me. I based so many decisions off of their opinions, which is never the healthy option! I’m proud of my 2018 self to have realized that and have written it down as one of my resolutions (definitely took more than a year to get over that obsessive feeling, but am reaching that goal slowly, but surely).

The “keep your relationships with people” bullet point hit me. It’s still relevant to me two years later. This is something that I’ve been working on a bit extra in 2020. I’m not sure how this always ends up happening, but after I spend too much time with someone, the relationship just naturally dissipates – I blame myself for this, but it’s possible that both of us are at fault. To form lifelong friendships, I need to learn how to maintain those relationships, so this list was a good reminder that this should be a lifelong resolution of mine.

“Be a proud Indian” took me on a trip back down memory lane when I was practically ashamed of being an Indian woman (a feeling that most Indian Americans probably have felt at some point in their lives). This one took more than a year to fulfill, however, I am glad that I could accomplish that resolution from my list because I sure am a proud Indian.

Thank the lord for bullet journaling because I can proudly say that I have fulfilled another one of my 2019 resolutions: no more procrastination.

I do recognize that there were some major flaws in the making of my 2019 resolutions: 1) there were way too many resolutions, making it hard to fulfill all of them in just a year 2) I wasn’t specific enough. My 2021 resolutions are going to be far different from the list I made for 2019. I’m going to outline them below, so that I hold myself accountable for these resolutions.

2021 New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Journal 
2. Be more patient 
3. Don’t feel guilty 

• Journal: Journaling is something that almost every “self-help” coach, successful entrepreneur, and even therapists suggest that we do; however, we mostly don’t listen to the advice of these experts. I blame my laziness and anxiousness on my inability to journal. In order to journal, I would need to carve out time from my schedule to write about my life. This means I’m losing time from doing other “more productive” work, like studying, spending time with Arya, even watching Netflix. Nonetheless, it’s crucial for every single person to spend a minimum of at least a half hour, if not more, with just ourselves and our thoughts. I don’t give myself enough time to process everything I’ve done in the day nor do I have time to process my feelings. I believe that journaling will force me to acknowledge, validate, and reflect on my own thoughts and emotions. This will make me more self-aware and will hopefully enable me to better myself. 

• Be more patient: I get super tense if I fall off my schedule (even if it’s by a minute). This results in unnecessary panicking and releasing that panic as anger on my family if they arrive in time during my panic sessions. Recently, I saw the talk by Mel Robbins linked below 👇🏽 in which she explains “The 5 Second Rule.” In 2021, I want to incorporate this rule into my life, so that I can not only propel myself to do things that paralyze me, but also work on being more patient, attentive, and amicable towards my family and friends as it’s a way to control toxic emotions from diverting onto others.

• Don’t feel guilty: Guilt and I go way back and it’s one of my most stable and toxic relationships. With this newfound time during 2020, I was able to reflect on this feeling and realize that guilt is my biggest paralyzer. For example, in a simple situation, like eating ice cream once in a while to please my period cravings, I feel an immense amount of guilt afterwards. I am unnecessarily brutal to myself after falling prey to the delicious, creamy taste of Cold Stone’s chocolate devotion ice cream because I attribute this once-in-a-while action to the reason why I’m never going to reach my fitness goals. Guilt accompanies me in the most complex situation as well: when I won my pageant title, a tiny tinge of guilt followed with the sash and crown. I felt guilty for winning (especially the national pageant title) because I felt as though many other contestants slayyed their talent round, speech, or walk better than I had. In the latter situation, this is what is supposedly known as unhealthy guilt. When dealing with unhealthy guilt, the outcomes are rarely in our hands. As a result, it’s crucial to work on changing our mindsets instead of succumbing to that guilty feeling that ends up making us feel worthless in the end.