My impending move to Rochester, NY has stirred a great deal of feelings, mainly in relation to answering the question, “Can I build a life somewhere new?” I realize that life rarely presents itself with guarantees, but boy would I love a guaranteed yes before making the move.

It is in such times that I recall the very many people I’ve had the ability to meet during my gap years. I wanted to reserve a spot for these people to reflect on these experiences and refer to them every time I start anxiously sweating about my decision to move.

Highland Park, New Jersey

During my brief stint as a ESL tutor for refugees with Interfaith-RISE, I met “Lilly.” I led various English lessons with her and her 21-year-old daughter in an effort to improve their English. More than Lilly, it was her daughter, who inspired me.

Her daughter was around my age and she would share how she surpassed the levels in her English class. She shared funny stories of her younger brother. She shared how she loves her chai and her disdain for coffee. She also shared her desire to become a doctor in the future.

Months later, I think about the daughter and her dream. Here I am, flipping out about moving 5 hours away from home, when the daughter has moved across countries and an ocean to pursue her dream. She’s not only having to answer her own version of “Can I build a life somewhere new?” but she’s actively living it out, adapting and adjusting to life in a completely new country: new culture, new people, new language, new food, a new home.

Koya-San, Japan

Nestled in the quiet, temple town of Japan, Mount Koya or Koyasan, is a cute, couple-owned cafe called Tommy Nana Cafe. The husband makes the drinks and the wife does the baking. Arya and I stopped by here on our second day, bright and early. The café hadn’t even opened yet, so we dilly-dallyed on the neighborhood streets for a few minutes until the wife saw us and opened shop a few minutes early.

The wife was from Osaka, Japan and the husband was born and raised in Koyasan. I remember thinking how could the wife have moved from the bustling and full of life city that is Osaka to a quaint, quiet, almost isolated Koyasan? But as the couple spoke about their lives and their fifty years of marriage, I saw and felt no regret in the wife.

Tokyo, Japan

Kyle moved to Tokyo from New York nearly 40 years ago with no bank account and no idea how he’d make a living. He described his massive family — parents, siblings, nephews and nieces — who all continue to live in NY or Philly. And yet, he articulated that he is happy living in Japan.

I shared that I wish I was like him and could move to different places and create a home for myself. I thought that I couldn’t leave Jersey, let alone the U.S. because my parents had created such a strong network of family and friends. But Kyle was calm and took a soft inhale and said, “Why not? I had nothing and slept on a friend’s couch. He gave me $45 to rent this place and create it into a bakery. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made.”

Kyle became the ambassador of the saying, “Do it scared and see what the world will offer you.”

Copenhagen, Denmark

I have a soft spot for Copenhagen. I first visited the city in 2024 purely because it was “one of the world’s happiest countries.” It was loads of fun and Shivdaballer and I met some really awesome people.

I returned to Copenhagen, went back to the same hostel and the same places, nearly two years later and I was floored. This time, I didn’t necessarily fetishize the whole “happiest country” concept; this time I just felt a pull and a longing to live like the Danes – prioritizing community and sunlight above all else, having a government and system that actually shows up for its people, having a life outside of work, and truly understanding that the mind and body are connected. And I also realized, that I can create this life for myself anywhere in the world. It begins with me. It’s not necessarily a location that needs to change; it’s my perception of life and the meaning that I want to create from it.

Having noticed my American accent, the guy walking in front of me abruptly turned around and asked with glee, “Americans????”

Hiral and I paused as we cautiously responded, “Yes.”

And with that, we made a whole bunch of new friends. That guy ended up being from LA and had moved to Copenhagen almost 10 years ago (once Trump was elected as President). He was of Latin and Arab descent and no longer felt safe or satisfied with his life in the U.S., so he decided to pick up and move to Copenhagen.

He described his life in Copenhagen as being far more fulfilling, not because he was suddenly happier just because he left. But because he intentionally was able to create a life for himself in this city, filled with people who felt safe, taxes that he felt worked towards him and for him, a job that did not leave him feeling burned out, and more. He literally said he had no regrets and loves his new life here.

As he introduced us to more of his friends, there was a common theme: none of them were from Copenhagen or even from Denmark. They were all from different parts of the world, who had moved and created a life for themselves in this city.

One guy, from Australia, works in finance in Copenhagen.

I very dramatically rolled my eyes as I shared my slight disdain for “finance bros” because the ones I met in NYC were very money hungry in a not-so-pleasant way.

The guy responded, in an utterly cool Australian accent, “Well, yeah I can see those boys being like that and I can also understand why. It’s America. It’s New York. It’s hard to survive without that need there.”

The gears were turning in my head as he further elaborated, “Listen, nearly 53% of my paycheck goes to taxes here in Copenhagen. If a guy from NYC paid this much in taxes, he’d have a fit. And I’m not saying I’m exactly happy paying that much, but I don’t mind it. Because here, I know that my tax money is actually being put to good use – it’s helping me and the people around me.”

53%. My jaw dropped. And yet, he was so calm and composed. He still felt good, fulfilled even, despite moving from Australia to Copenhagen.

the people of my travels

Remembering the people I met from the east coast to the west coast to the rural part of Japan to the bustling life in Copenhagen, hasn’t necessarily removed my fear of moving, but it has answered “Can I build a life somewhere new?”

I’m realizing that perhaps the location (though it may play a large role in finances and politics) doesn’t matter as much as I thought it did for contentment. The one thing I’ve gained from all of these worldly interactions is that wherever I am, I will need to be intentional with my relationships, pouring into them, whether that be in Jersey or in Rochester.

I realize that most of my fear comes from having to “start over” with my relationships. As I’ve come to understand, I’m not necessarily closing a part of my life and opening a new one; I’m simply widening my cute, little life to make room for more love, knowledge, care, and passion. I was recently told that oftentimes the best experiences come out of doing things scared; so I will be widening away scared, but with the awareness that this is a path that will open up many more experiences to cherish.

Home is something you build. The people of my travels have shown me the way ❣️