birthday

21st with the Bal Ashram Boys

by Esha Kode

A few hours into my birthday I receive a voice message from Laasya asking if I’d want to FaceTime the boys because they wanted to wish me for my birthday. Obviously I would never miss a chance to see their faces, let alone on my birthday, so we FaceTimed. 

I spoke with them until their phone died. They threw the phone around and shrieked, “Happy Birthday Didi!” Some sang ‘Kya Baat Ay’ for me; some chatted with Amma and Nanna; some used their puppy dog faces to ask me when I was coming back again; some asked me to cut a cake on camera. 

The most heartwarming part, though, was when ‘V’ virtually took me to the conference hall and connected the phone to the TV so that my entire face was displayed on the TV. That’s when I saw at least 30 kids sitting on the floor waving intensely at the camera and screaming, “Happy Birthday Esha Didi!!!” 

There was a humongous part of me that immediately thought What did I do to deserve this much love? Am I even worthy of it? But, then another part of me thought, They love you for you Esha. This is the kind of love that you’ve always wanted.

They made my birthday feel like the most epic day ever. I felt whole. 

21st Birthday!

by Esha Kode

I turned 21 two days ago.

As I started to respond to texts from my friends and answer phone calls from my relatives, I began to feel an overwhelming amount of love. On a typical birthday, I kinda breeze through the day doing the same thing I did 2 days ago – reply to texts & answer phone calls. However, this year felt different. I feel whole.

I finally reached the point in my life where I am actively creating and cherishing relationships with people who matter the most to me. I am so in tune with my energy and monitor how high or low it gets when I am around people. This has been helping so freaking much when it comes to cultivating ‘heart-squishing’ relationships.

2023 just feels life changing for some reason. I have this gut feeling that this is the year where I will fully step into myself and allow myself to be human – the good, the bad, and the ugly that comes with being human.

I want to make wholesome memories, be warm towards my loved ones, and pursue the dreams that I was once afraid of even dreaming of.

This is our year Aries. Let’s go.

Dear FutureMe…

by Esha Kode

It was my birthday on April 8th. I just turned 20 and I’m still feeling a bit lost and unworthy of a lot of things. New insecurities have manifested, some of the old ones are still present. It’s a work in progress.

I opened my email today and found this note I wrote to myself on my 19th birthday to give to my future 20 year old self. It warmed my soul <3.