Now that I’ve gotten into medical school, I’m unsettled by the amount of time I suddenly have on my hands. It feels like a fast-moving train has come to an abrupt halt. It’s this abrupt halt that forced some revelations.
I’ve been seeing my caretakers with softer eyes. As one recently told me, “now that you’re at the end of this long journey, you’re able to think more clearly and let go of things that no longer serve you.” Letting go, in this case, of the complex feelings that I held towards the adults in my life.
Amma, I’m noticing her hunched back and grayer strands. Her callused hands as she hustles between the kitchen, corporate life, and care-taking for her mother and mother-in-law. I notice the tiredness surround her eyes, and yet her willingness to still make something for me after a long day of work. I’m noticing that she’s trying after our conversation, to be better, to meet her children where they’re at, to not force us to love but rather allow us to love at our own pace. She messes up constantly, but I’m noticing that I’m not as cruel or quick to scold.
Nanna, the man I thought was physically and emotionally unbreakable, has officially broken. His back has given out and his heart almost followed, but a newly-placed stent has caused him to have his own little “abrupt train halt” moment. He has finally accepted that no family is perfect and ours is far from perfect. He’s realized that his kids may have more wisdom to share than he once thought. Friends are important, friends become safe spaces and should become safe spaces. More importantly, he’s a man who has realized that emotional strength does not come from giving pieces of yourself away, but rather from feeding yourself with love, acceptance, help, joy, and more. He’s a man who has realized that therapy is not just for his daughter, but also perhaps, for him. I’m noticing that in many ways, maybe Nanna has become more unbreakable as he himself is learning to live within his mind and body.
And then there’s Nani, the powerhouse of a woman who raised me. Who I actually thought was unbreakable. I now see her, trying to battle her own body, struggling to compete with her once-upon-a-time youth and youthful engagement. She can no longer cook a curry in one sitting; it now takes multiple. Her once, although invisible, biceps were filled with strength. Now it’s covered with left over marks from numerous injections and blood work jabs. Her smile is still the same, but her face has lost its radiance. Some docs blame it on her kidneys, others blame it on her joints, a few blame it on her psyche. Who knows?
As I view these three adults, who were and still are my guardians, I’ve discovered the circle of life. Perhaps we’re all just big babies living in adult bodies. I’ve learned to adopt Dr. Gabor Maté’s principle that our adult behaviors, actions, and feelings are a product of our childhood experiences. So I’m softer now, seeing the adults as scared, abandoned children who’ve worked relentlessly to build a life for themselves.
I’ve been procrastinating writing this post because I didn’t think I knew enough to vocalize my thoughts. Thus, I stuck with reposting information and content that came directly from the heroes on the ground; and I will continue to do so. However, I no longer want to use the “I don’t know enough” excuse to not write, grieve, and share critical information.
We must stop the genocide taking place in Palestine. We Americans must call for a permanent ceasefire.
Innocent lives, children’s lives, are being lost and the U.S. is continuing to use the Hamas attack as justification for Israel’s continued tyranny. No, I am not Anti-Semitic. No, I am not Islamophobic. I am human and I see how we, as a world, were so quick to sit in our safe, privileged homes and claim that the oppressed group deserves to be in perpetual pain and die. It is disgusting and inhumane.
Note [thank you Manasi Palle for this thought]: Initially, before 1948, Palestine was home to people from various ethnicities and cultures. Arabs, Jews, Christians – they were all living on Palestinian land, together. All of them had a religious connection to areas of the land, specifically Jerusalem. Thus, this means that:
“Arabs are also a part of the semite community, not just Jews. It’s hard to be Antisemitic when you’re advocating for Arab lives.” – Manasi Palle
For the past month or so, I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about Israel and Palestine and their relationship. I learned that Israel is a nation built entirely on Palestinian land. I understand that Jewish people needed to flee tumultuous, dangerous, and cruel conditions post the Holocaust. They needed a home. However, it is a necessary truth to acknowledge that that home was created by ethnically cleansing the Palestinian people and throwing them out of their own homes. Israel, a country created on May 14th, 1948, was displacing Palestinians, who have lived and nurtured that land for decades before Israel was ever even created. Israel oppressed and continues to oppress Palestinians.
Dr. Gabor Maté, an absolute iconic human who is also a physician, author, and survivor of the Holocaust, speaks about the current situation. Watch the whole video. It’s worth it.
“The state [Israel] was founded based on the extirpation, exploitation, and multiple massacres of the local population [Palestinians].” – Dr. Gabor Maté
In addition to Dr. Maté’s words, I’d also like to reference Dr. Ayesha Khan’s words that have stuck with me ever since their post.
Dr. Khan writes “the oppressed deserve to resist their oppressors by any means necessary.” When I first read that, I quite literally gasped and had to take a deep breath because my brain immediately went to But Hamas’s attack was inhumane. How can I justify this?
The answer is there is no justification. A human life is a human life. Tragic death is never the answer. Seeking revenge is never the answer. Many people were killed on October 7th. However, that does not justify Israel’s actions in response.
“Israel has a right to defend itself.”
Every time a discussion about the current situation unfolds, many are quick to claim “But Israel has a right to defend itself.” Yes, it does. But, every country does – this includes the Palestinian people. In the words of Dr. Gabor Maté, “Israel has no right to impose an occupation on people.”
This is not justification for the Hamas attack on October 7th, rather it’s a call for people to pause and understand the historical trauma of the other side. When we look at isolated actions, especially through the lens of Western media, we never even bother to look at the historical context of what the people of Palestine have been enduring for decades.
where are my Indian-American activists?
India, a country which has only been independent for about 76 years, was also once a colonized region. Brown History’s EP54: Israel and India put some things into perspective:
India LOVES the idea of having a fascist state because it is a country that continuously promotes Hindu nationalism, above all; thus, having a country like Israel successfully dominate and oppress Palestinians was something that aligned with their own values.
India has to maintain its two-faced “support.” India supports Israel loudly. In fact, India is the largest arms buyer of Israel; however, it must also maintain some sort of “support” for Palestinians because India’s source of energy comes from the Arab regions. Notice how everything is so very calculated AND performative.
India is doing to Kashmir what Israel is doing to Gaza and Palestine. Therefore, how can India retaliate against Israel if their governments’ behaviors are so similar? Kashmir and Palestine share a major similarity, which is their struggle for self-determination (Azad Essan). India wants control over the Kashmiri land, which has led to decades of armed conflict and tragic killings of civilians; similarly, Israel, from the very beginning, has operated from the desire to ethnically cleanse Palestine. Thus, many Indians align themselves with the patriotic nature of their country’s desire to gain control of Kashmir and as a result, naively side with Israel’s brutal occupation and killings.
Take an hour to listen to the Brown History podcast with Azad Essan. It’s so incredibly informative and sheds light on the twisted nature of India’s relationship with Israel.
“The relationship is deep because the two countries [India and Israel] are seeing things in each other that they want to emulate and that they need from each other.” – Azad Essan
stand in solidarity.
Here are a few ways you and I can stand in solidarity with the Palestinian people while also pushing the U.S. government to STOP funding a genocide.
Look at the various options offered by so.informed.
The easiest one: follow the heroes on the ground, who are risking their lives every day to dismantle Western media’s dehumanization of the Palestinian people. Amplify their voices.
Haymarket Books is providing FREE E-books for a FREE Palestine here.
Haymarket Books also has a list of many books written by Palestinians here.
Palestine by Joe Sacco – a graphic novel
Except for Palestine by 2 political scientists
Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Davis
Light in Gaza
Sim Kern, a Jewish author, speaks about the importance of reading a book written by Palestinian authors. She states that when we read their words, it will humanize the Palestinian people for us. Check out this link for Sim Kern’s book recommendations.
Here is a list of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry books written by Palestinian authors.
Boycott & Culture Jam brands that are actively funding a genocide. Here‘s a list.
Here are the top companies that I am personally boycotting as I, once, used to be a regular consumer.
Starbucks (alternatives: for people in NJ/PA – small world coffee (princeton), junbi (princeton), moth coffeehouse (allentown), pretty bird coffee (PA))
McDonald’s, Burger King, Dominoes Pizza(alternative: check out local diners & restaurants that offer the same food – healthier and more scrumptious even!)
show up.
I have no issue with equal powers wanting to go to war as long as they vehemently follow international law and do not use people, more importantly children, as human shields. In this case, though, it’s unjust to call this a war, let alone a conflict, because both of these terms insinuate that there are two equal and opposing sides. There is no equality here: it’s the Israeli’s large-scale weaponry and trained soldiers, funded via billions of American dollars, against the UNARMED, UNTRAINED, men, women, children, and people of Palestine.
We must liberate our empathies – free it from all borders. Do not let these man-made lines blur your thinking and actions. Children are dying at catastrophic rates. Palestinian children are still our children. Palestinian people are still our people. Let’s stand in solidarity. Let’s show up. Let’s be loud.
Esha Kode 