oh to be a cockroach

I’ve never really liked cockroaches. I mean, who does?

They’re hard to kill. They seem to spawn out of nowhere. They’re quick. Smart. They’re ready for battle.

But for the first time, I wish I was there, with the cockroaches. The Cockroaches of India. The Indian Youth. The Cockroach Janta Party, formed satirically in response to the Chief Justice of India, Surya Kant, referring to the Indian youth as “cockroaches.”

On May 3rd, thousands of students in India sat down to take NEET, a medical school entrance exam. It’s incredibly competitive and requires hours and hours of tedious studying. A few days later, it was revealed that the NEET exam paper was leaked. Again.

Imagine spending months of your life, studying 10-12 hours a day, preparing for this one day. And then you’re told everything you worked for was a waste and you’re going to have to retake it.

A dozen students took their own lives. The pressure. The lack of accountability. The inability to protect students and stand for students.

And then came the cockroaches. Led by Abhijeet Dibke. Supported by many other students and engineer-activist-educator Sonam Wangchuk. The cockroaches claimed victory when India’s education minister, Dharmendra Pradhan, resigned on July 25, 2026.

But it wasn’t an easy victory, to say the least. Thousands of students came together and went on a hunger strike. They fought against state police violence. They recorded and shared. They pushed through fake government-backed claims. They vocalized their concerns. They understood and practiced their rights.

The resignation is not the be-all-end-all. After all, Pradhan can be easily replaced by yet another RSS-BJP backed, corrupt minister. In the words of the iconic Arundhati Roy, “The stakes are far bigger. The rot in the whole system of governance, from top to bottom is clearly visible and has begun to stink like a decomposing corpse.”

Education is political. To maintain a nationalist agenda, politicians and leaders have always historically tried to control education and learning. Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party burning tens of thousands of books. Donald Trump reinstating the 1776 Commission to promote a nationalist American curriculum. Modi and the RSS-BJP doubling down on a Hindutva curriculum. Education is political.

During a time where it feels like our voices are not being heard and things aren’t really changing, the cockroaches reignited the fizzling fire in me. I saw people from all over the country, of all different castes, religions, professions come together. To dance, cry, laugh together.

To protect each other.

To remain together.

For each other.

Hope is not lost.

Oh to be a cockroach.

the right to play

In 2023, I had the privilege of visiting Bal Ashram, a long-term rehabilitation center for survivors of child labor and trafficking. Working alongside the staff and educators there reaffirmed my commitment to supporting and advocating for children. The children of Bal Ashram impacted me in countless ways. They taught me about joy, resilience, community, and so much more. Read about my experience at Bal Ashram here.

A couple years ago, thanks to the incredible Morgan Keyt, I was given the opportunity to contribute to Media Voices for Children’s Quarterly Child Rights Magazine. I’m grateful to share that the article has now been published.

This edition is rooted in the premise that a safe environment is inseparable from children’s rights. My time at Bal Ashram showed me how deeply connected a child’s safety, environment, and right to play are.

Read the full article here.

everything I’ve learned about life as a freshly turned 24-year-old

I turned 24 today. Oof.

Inspired by Dolly Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love, I decided to outline everything I’ve learned about life as a 24-year-old, so here it goes.

  1. When all else fails, chocolate devotion at Cold Stone Creamery, specifically the one in Franklin Park Township, will solve all your problems. I’m telling you, you’ll see heaven.
  2. Be spontaneous. Just do things without thinking too much. Not everything needs to be planned out all the time.
  3. Be your friends’ plus-one at birthday parties, housewarmings, ragers, whatever. Just go with them. This is my newly found favorite activity. It is so much fun to meet new people and even form a friendship with mutuals of mutuals. Makes for a cool story too. Dare I say that it also comes with free food, free alcohol, free laughs, and most importantly, free pong tournaments?
  4. You’re not a horrible person. Chances are you’re just an immature 20-something-year-old who’s still trying to find their footing in life. As long as you’re well-intentioned, you don’t need to hold yourself to this insanely high standard of being a saint because you will inevitably fail. In the words of the icon coffee date #44, “I like to just be as I am. I just want to be a human. I do not want to be a good human. I do not want to be a perfect human. I just want to be human with the emotions, thoughts, and not necessarily name them as good emotions or good thoughts. Just a human being with thoughts and emotions with all this beauty inside of me no matter what.” – Laasya Mangalampalli, 2023
  5. Don’t be so quick to make judgements about people. Everyone’s really messy and everyone’s a product of quite literally everything they’ve ever experienced or felt. So really, who am I to write people off?
  6. Joy is a form of resistance. No human is illegal. Human rights apply to all humans – man, woman, trans, cis, fluid, religious or not, Christians, Arabs, Palestinians, Hindus, Muslims, all of us. We’re all together.
  7. Dating. Oh boy. Shoot me in the head.
  8. Don’t be on the apps if you’re in search of the “love of your life.” The apps should be used purely for practice and entertainment purposes. I had a blast during my one year on Hinge. I was having the time of my life meeting some cool boys, eating some great food, drinking some great drinks, and then partying with my friends right after.
  9. Speaking of dates, plan your dates so they fit into your night out with your friends. This not only takes away a lot of pressure, but it also prevents you from overanalyzing everything post-date because you’re too busy taking shots and bussing it down to some 2000s throwbacks with your friends. I literally went on a 45-minute date, had my two friends (s/o Shivdaballer and Sruthi) chilling at a Starbucks nearby, and then proceeded to go to a friend’s birthday party shortly after. 10/10 night.
  10. Don’t get so infatuated by the idea of love that you start to forget who you are and get enveloped in the idea of being chosen by somebody. Live in the present. Form judgements based on objective facts rather than the “what if” thoughts. Love will find you. Relax. It’s not meant to be rushed.
  11. It’s easy to fall in love. It’s harder to stay in love. Ask yourself, “Sure, I love this person but do I like this person?”
  12. Marry your best friend! At least, I think that’s what you’re supposed to do?
  13. Pour as much as you can into your platonic relationships. Show up to as many birthdays as you can. Have existential conversations with your friends. Travel the world with them. Have sleepovers. Connect different parts of your world together – be the person who brings people together.
  14. Abundance. Abundance. Abundance. There’s no shortage of love. No one’s abandoning you. The people you hold close to your heart also hold you close to their heart. They’re allowed to form new relationships; that does not mean that they’re doing so at the expense of you. Their world is just expanding, just like yours does, and they’re making room for more love. Who doesn’t love more love?
  15. No one will ever piss you off and enrage you as much as your parents. Most of the time you’ll feel like you’re taking one step forward and ten steps backwards. But that’s okay. Your job, as their child, is not to change them (because that’s a rather laborious feat). Your job, as their child, is to acknowledge whatever love that they are able to give and attempt to let go of the rest. Harder said than done for sure.
  16. Unfortunately or fortunately, it is also your parents that you will seek the most amount of validation from. A child’s always a child.
  17. Maybe this is the time when you’ll start softening up a bit and recognize that your caregivers aren’t really superheroes; they’re just people. Really messy people, just like you.
  18. Delete Instagram for a month or two. Challenge yourself. Live without the eyes of others, most of whom you probably don’t even know. Go on a trip without Instagram and sit with how that makes you feel – living without needing to scream to social media that you are living.
  19. Read!!! Being transported to different worlds and lives and thoughts is surprisingly exhilarating. So much less toxic than watching the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives for hours on end.
  20. Get a tattoo. More than the tattoo, make the experience of getting that tattoo exciting. Exhibit A: my arm.
  21. Journal every night.
  22. Eat more so you can move more.
  23. Walk outside. No headphones. No phone. Listen to the birds. Feel the wind. This is the anxiety cure.
  24. Therapy feels like a warm, weighted blanket hug. Everyone deserves to feel hugged.
  25. Watch movies with Nani. Laughing with her is oddly comforting. You forget all your rage and just want to lay there and watch for hours on end because well, suddenly, it seems real that you won’t have this forever.
  26. It is very possible to work alongside people who share wildly opposing political beliefs and values.
  27. Don’t be so afraid of money. Make money and do some good with it. The rest, use it for adventures, for supporting the people you love, and for just living your life. Nothing wrong with money. I trust you enough to not get carried away with the attention and access that money gets you, so just have fun with it and be responsible with it.
  28. You won’t always get closure in relationships. In romantic situations or even platonic situations. Without closure, it’s easy for your brain to short circuit and get carried away with many thoughts. This is the worst part. Short circuit for a while and then find a way to release.
  29. Daily movement has saved my life. No joke. I get out of my mind and into my body.
  30. Medicate for your mental health, if needed. What’s the point in feeling so whoozy all the time and burning yourself to the ground if there’s a way to support you? If you take an Advil every month when on your period, then I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to take a Xanax to calm your nervous system.
  31. Your brother, the one who’s six years younger than you, will inspire you, motivate you, roast you, and drive you insane. But you’ll never love someone as much as you love your little bro.
  32. Very few people will have seen absolutely everything in your life. Even fewer people will know exactly what you’re feeling and when you’re feeling it. And at times, it can be annoying. But more often than not, it makes you feel oh so seen and loved. Keep those people close. Love you Ravs.
  33. The cure to menstrual cramps: Advil, incline walking, alcohol. Choose one out of three. Do not do all three or your liver will hate me.
  34. Don’t forget to play. My aunt and uncle have shown me this repeatedly. They have this innate playfulness that radiates outward. No matter how old you are, you must remember to play, to have fun, to laugh, and to just be a kid (an appropriate kid, of course).
  35. Make sure you transfer money from your savings to your checkings before a night out. Or else you’ll end up at the bar, paying for 10 rounds of shots for 5 different people and your card will naturally decline. And your drunk self won’t comprehend why.
  36. Tretinoin + azelaic acid + 2 L of water a day = glowy skin at your service.
  37. Shake shack is a much better post-night out meal than Taco Bell. #Shroomburgers
  38. It’s easier to do things first and then ask Amma and Nanna for forgiveness. Example: getting a tattoo, hiding it for a week, and then doing the big reveal. Following a 20 minute freak out session, all is well.
  39. The movies that will bring you out of whatever type of rut you’re in: Remember the Titans. Dear Zindagi. Good Will Hunting. Bommarillu. Dead Poets Society.
  40. Self improvement is great. But don’t take it so far to the point where you nitpick every action and decision of yours. The attempt for perfection will ricochet and cause more harm than good. Life is meant to be lived in the gray, in the color, with the nuance.

I do feel older and that’s causing my chest to tighten a bit. I’m closer to 25 now than 19, which means I’m closer to 30 than I am to 19, which means I’m an adult and no longer a child.

But time is the only constant we have in life. Or so they say.

So I guess I have no choice.

Here it goes. We’ll figure it out as it comes. Onwards and upwards.

an epiphany about loneliness

I call him Dr. L.

He doesn’t appear to be a solid in form. He’s more of a flowy, gaseous entity composed of black, gray, and tinges of white, which is often overpowered by the black and gray. He starts from the top of my stomach and makes his way to the center of my chest. He sometimes even clouds my mind. He suffocates me: a lump forms in my throat, my mind races to numerous different thoughts. He creates a drowning sensation, making it seem like doing something as simple as taking a breath is an out-worldly task.

No one or anything has ever made me feel like that.

I call him Dr. L, but he’s more commonly known as loneliness.

I was never able to label the feeling of loneliness until the pandemic hit. I sense that it was always there, but I didn’t have the awareness to actually reflect on that feeling.

I was terrified of Dr. L for nearly 3 years. Every time he creeped in, I’d panic because I wouldn’t know 1) why he came, 2) what he wanted, and 3) when he would leave.

I had my Eureka moment last week and think I found my answers.

Dr. L enters when he senses that my boundaries have been crossed – either by myself or others around me.

For example, after returning from some family outing or vacation, Dr. L would often make an appearance the very next day, if not on the plane ride back home. I would always attribute this to the ‘post-vacation blues’ that ‘everyone feels.’ Sure, some part of it could be the ‘blues,’ but the other major part of it was the fact that I was surrounded by people who didn’t make me feel like my most authentic self when I was on that vacation. Thus, Dr. L would abruptly show up to make me realize that very thing: I was not in an environment that gave me the space to be my most authentic self.

Dr. L also almost always makes an appearance when I, myself, cross my own boundaries. When I neglect taking care of myself in the way that makes me feel good (ie, moving my body, writing, spending time with my little man, etc.), he runs on over into my life and makes me feel like the world is ending. In essence, though, what he’s actually trying to tell me is to slow tf down and violently remind me that my mind and body are not aligned.

Realizing this about loneliness and reframing the way I personify this feeling has greatly helped. In fact, I sensed him creeping in yesterday night. When I paused and reflected, I found that I haven’t been sleeping well, eating enough, and have been overworking. Thus, I took the day off from college, sat at home, oiled my hair, worked as much as I could work (did not OVERwork though), watched a movie with my brother, and even read. Dr. L was nowhere to be found.

This is why I’m such a fanatic over the phrase and belief that emotions are data. Loneliness, to me, is one of those many emotions. Its purpose, in my particular life, is to pop off an alarm in my mind when it senses that I am not being true to myself. It tries to nudge me to navigate myself back to my center – my truth. It’s literal data. Life-saving data.

Listen to your emotions, your feelings, and your thoughts. ❤

ceasefire! 🇵🇸

I’d like to thank Manasi Palle, Morgan Keyt, and Ravali Kodali for their incredible advice, support, and solidarity.

Image Source: Rhea Shetty

I’ve been procrastinating writing this post because I didn’t think I knew enough to vocalize my thoughts. Thus, I stuck with reposting information and content that came directly from the heroes on the ground; and I will continue to do so. However, I no longer want to use the “I don’t know enough” excuse to not write, grieve, and share critical information. 

We must stop the genocide taking place in Palestine. We Americans must call for a permanent ceasefire.

Innocent lives, children’s lives, are being lost and the U.S. is continuing to use the Hamas attack as justification for Israel’s continued tyranny. No, I am not Anti-Semitic. No, I am not Islamophobic. I am human and I see how we, as a world, were so quick to sit in our safe, privileged homes and claim that the oppressed group deserves to be in perpetual pain and die. It is disgusting and inhumane.


Note [thank you Manasi Palle for this thought]: Initially, before 1948, Palestine was home to people from various ethnicities and cultures. Arabs, Jews, Christians – they were all living on Palestinian land, together. All of them had a religious connection to areas of the land, specifically Jerusalem. Thus, this means that:

“Arabs are also a part of the semite community, not just Jews. It’s hard to be Antisemitic when you’re advocating for Arab lives.” – Manasi Palle


For the past month or so, I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about Israel and Palestine and their relationship. I learned that Israel is a nation built entirely on Palestinian land. I understand that Jewish people needed to flee tumultuous, dangerous, and cruel conditions post the Holocaust. They needed a home. However, it is a necessary truth to acknowledge that that home was created by ethnically cleansing the Palestinian people and throwing them out of their own homes. Israel, a country created on May 14th, 1948, was displacing Palestinians, who have lived and nurtured that land for decades before Israel was ever even created. Israel oppressed and continues to oppress Palestinians.

Dr. Gabor Maté, an absolute iconic human who is also a physician, author, and survivor of the Holocaust, speaks about the current situation. Watch the whole video. It’s worth it.

“The state [Israel] was founded based on the extirpation, exploitation, and multiple massacres of the local population [Palestinians].” – Dr. Gabor Maté

In addition to Dr. Maté’s words, I’d also like to reference Dr. Ayesha Khan’s words that have stuck with me ever since their post.

Dr. Khan writes “the oppressed deserve to resist their oppressors by any means necessary.” When I first read that, I quite literally gasped and had to take a deep breath because my brain immediately went to But Hamas’s attack was inhumane. How can I justify this? 

The answer is there is no justification. A human life is a human life. Tragic death is never the answer. Seeking revenge is never the answer. Many people were killed on October 7th. However, that does not justify Israel’s actions in response. 

“Israel has a right to defend itself.”

Every time a discussion about the current situation unfolds, many are quick to claim “But Israel has a right to defend itself.” Yes, it does. But, every country does – this includes the Palestinian people. In the words of Dr. Gabor Maté, “Israel has no right to impose an occupation on people.”

This is not justification for the Hamas attack on October 7th, rather it’s a call for people to pause and understand the historical trauma of the other side. When we look at isolated actions, especially through the lens of Western media, we never even bother to look at the historical context of what the people of Palestine have been enduring for decades.  

where are my Indian-American activists?

India, a country which has only been independent for about 76 years, was also once a colonized region. Brown History’s EP54: Israel and India put some things into perspective:

  1. India LOVES the idea of having a fascist state because it is a country that continuously promotes Hindu nationalism, above all; thus, having a country like Israel successfully dominate and oppress Palestinians was something that aligned with their own values. 
  2. India has to maintain its two-faced “support.” India supports Israel loudly. In fact, India is the largest arms buyer of Israel; however, it must also maintain some sort of “support” for Palestinians because India’s source of energy comes from the Arab regions. Notice how everything is so very calculated AND performative
  3. India is doing to Kashmir what Israel is doing to Gaza and Palestine. Therefore, how can India retaliate against Israel if their governments’ behaviors are so similar? Kashmir and Palestine share a major similarity, which is their struggle for self-determination (Azad Essan). India wants control over the Kashmiri land, which has led to decades of armed conflict and tragic killings of civilians; similarly, Israel, from the very beginning, has operated from the desire to ethnically cleanse Palestine. Thus, many Indians align themselves with the patriotic nature of their country’s desire to gain control of Kashmir and as a result, naively side with Israel’s brutal occupation and killings. 

Take an hour to listen to the Brown History podcast with Azad Essan. It’s so incredibly informative and sheds light on the twisted nature of India’s relationship with Israel.

“The relationship is deep because the two countries [India and Israel] are seeing things in each other that they want to emulate and that they need from each other.” – Azad Essan

stand in solidarity.

Here are a few ways you and I can stand in solidarity with the Palestinian people while also pushing the U.S. government to STOP funding a genocide. 

  • Visit ceasefiretoday.com!
  • Look at the various options offered by so.informed.
  • The easiest one: follow the heroes on the ground, who are risking their lives every day to dismantle Western media’s dehumanization of the Palestinian people. Amplify their voices.
    1. Motaz Azaiza
    2. Plestia Alaqad
    3. Yara Eid
    4. Hind Khoudary
  • Follow the other accounts to learn about the historical context of what is happening right now.
    1. @so.informed
    2. @wokescientist
    3. @letstalkpalestine
    4. @jewishvoiceforpeace
    5. @nouraerakat
  • READ A BOOK! This one was life-changing.
    • Haymarket Books is providing FREE E-books for a FREE Palestine here
    • Haymarket Books also has a list of many books written by Palestinians here.
    • Palestine by Joe Sacco – a graphic novel
    • Except for Palestine by 2 political scientists
    • Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Davis
    • Light in Gaza 
    • Sim Kern, a Jewish author, speaks about the importance of reading a book written by Palestinian authors. She states that when we read their words, it will humanize the Palestinian people for us. Check out this link for Sim Kern’s book recommendations. 
    • Here is a list of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry books written by Palestinian authors.
  • Boycott & Culture Jam brands that are actively funding a genocide. Here‘s a list.
    • Here are the top companies that I am personally boycotting as I, once, used to be a regular consumer.
      • Starbucks (alternatives: for people in NJ/PA – small world coffee (princeton), junbi (princeton), moth coffeehouse (allentown), pretty bird coffee (PA))
      • McDonald’s, Burger King, Dominoes Pizza (alternative: check out local diners & restaurants that offer the same food – healthier and more scrumptious even!)

show up.

I have no issue with equal powers wanting to go to war as long as they vehemently follow international law and do not use people, more importantly children, as human shields. In this case, though, it’s unjust to call this a war, let alone a conflict, because both of these terms insinuate that there are two equal and opposing sides. There is no equality here: it’s the Israeli’s large-scale weaponry and trained soldiers, funded via billions of American dollars, against the UNARMED, UNTRAINED, men, women, children, and people of Palestine. 

We must liberate our empathies – free it from all borders. Do not let these man-made lines blur your thinking and actions. Children are dying at catastrophic rates. Palestinian children are still our children. Palestinian people are still our people. Let’s stand in solidarity. Let’s show up. Let’s be loud. 

green hoodie

It was 3:30AM.

My gal pals and I were chatting tiredly as we were on our way back home after spending nearly 6 hours out and about in NY celebrating one of our friend’s birthday. We’re walking down the street wearing jeans and fancy tops. Everyone is sober and waiting to just hit the bed. We’re the only ones on the street. As we turned a corner, a man in his big black SUV rolls down his window and makes the sound “mmmmmmm” as if he had just been given a bowl of Maggi noodles. Objectification can be as simple as this: the need to make such a sound as he saw us implied that he practically equated our worth to a bowl of food.

That’s not the end of it, though.

We ignored his stupidity and continued walking. I want to note here that that is exactly what we’ve been conditioned to do. When a man does or says something to us, it’s best to walk away because we can’t win.

We had 2 more blocks to walk, totaling to about 5 more minutes. While waiting at the intersection, there was another man standing at the other side. He was wearing a green hoodie and baggy jeans. His hands remained in his pocket. We’ll name this guy ‘Green Hoodie.’

Confident that nothing can happen considering the fact that there was a group of us, we all continued to cross the intersection and ignored Green Hoodie’s comment. At this point, we picked up our walking pace as we didn’t want to engage with a stranger on the street, let alone a man, at 4:00 in the morning. Again, this fear was etched into our souls from a young age.

Then, one girl panicked and started running, so the rest of us followed. Another girl asked someone to turn around and see if Green Hoodie is following us. All of us assumed that he wasn’t because why would he?

That’s when one of the girls shrieked.

Then, I heard the man’s voice. He made those weird noises we hear when we go to a Haunted House during Halloween season. It was terrifying. My soul felt like it left my body.

We were now running for our life.

I turned to see how far away he was from us. He was just a few steps behind and his hands remained in his pockets.

I screamed to the girls near me, “Should I call them?” Collectively, they responded, “Yes!”

That’s when I dialed 9-1-1, for the first time. My hands were shaking. My bag was weighing me down. My heart was beating too fast. He got closer.

One of us even stood in the middle of the street and screamed, hoping that some neighbor would come out. No one did. Another one of us demanded him to stop. He didn’t.

As we were all continuing to run for our life, Green Hoodie had the audacity to yell back at us and ask, “Why are you guys running?” with a smirk on his face. Why else would a group of girls be running in the middle of the night?

Finally, as we approached the entrance of the apartment building, one girl yelled one more time “STOP!” That somehow seemed to have triggered something in him, and he, very casually, turned around and walked away.

That’s it. He didn’t ask for money. He didn’t touch us. He didn’t shoot. He simply wanted to feed off of our fear.

Where were the patrol cars? Where were the emergency alert buttons? What if the man had a gun (America does have a sickening gun problem after all)?

Green Hoodie probably went back to his 4am business with absolutely no care in the world. Meanwhile, us girls went back to the apartment and practically shivered in fear internally, and were traumatized to the point where we decided we couldn’t walk anywhere anymore.

To the people who might be reading this and question, “But why were you walking so late at night?”

Respectfully, get the hell out of here.

We have the right to walk, and that too, safely. We are not the problem. Hyper masculinity is the problem. The way we teach and ingrain gender is the problem.

Every girl and woman I know is always told to never walk the streets alone at night, to wear proper clothes if we’re going to be amongst other men, to never take someone else’s drink at a party, to carry pepper spray, etc.. The fear has been inculcated in us from a young age. It’s implicitly telling us that ‘boys will be boys, so you take the necessary precautions to keep yourself safe.

For example, I was at a club in NYC last week. I was, once again, with a group of my girl and guy friends. As I was dancing with them, I felt two arms suddenly creep around my waist. Gross. Another day, I was walking down the street at 11:00am, wearing a summer dress. I was cat called and practically followed by two men, in BROAD DAYLIGHT.

In both instances it will be easy for people to claim that I could have done something differently to have avoided those men. People may say, “Well you shouldn’t have been dancing so close to that man if you didn’t want him to touch you.” I’m sorry, where else do you want me to stand and bop in a crowded club? In the bathroom?

Such instances are so normalized that we’ve become desensitized to them. We rarely stop to acknowledge that this isn’t normal. It shouldn’t be normal, and it shouldn’t be something that we just deal with.

When a man touches a woman without any sort of consent or permission, he literally sees that woman as being less than – as being an object and something that doesn’t need permission to be touched or used. It’s disgusting. I don’t even let my close friends touch me without my permission, so imagine how triggering and traumatizing it is for women to have to face this every single goddamn day.

The solution?

There are plenty, but here are a few ideas.

For starters, let’s maybe have more safety features in neighborhoods? More emergency alert buttons, a neighborhood watch group, or literally anything that can result in fast actions. At least until we manage to create a world that is safe for all.

Secondly, we need to recognize that gender socialization is a massive part of the problem. Such conversations are making it to the forefront only within privileged communities. We need to provide access to this information and awareness to ALL communities.

Thirdly, as a society, we must stop blaming the women for dressing the way we want, walking where we want, being the way we want. Nothing justifies the harassment, objectification, and even the rapes. Instead of policing the already oppressed people’s freedom and control, it’s much more effective to spend that energy on educating the oppressors. Some may change, others might not.

temples & periods & feminism

Someone I recently met in India asked me ‘Do you believe in religion?’

I replied with a “No, not really…..”

He proceeded to expand on my answer and said something along the lines of how religion, for the most part, was and is used as a tool to control the people of a particular belief. This conversation, along with numerous others I have had recently during classes and online, propelled me to think more deeply about the ways in which religion has played a role in my life; I wanted to reflect on how much of it I’ve subconsciously consumed and followed, despite my own feminist and individualistic values.

During this period of reflection, I found that the ‘period & temple’ rule is something that I’ve just abided by without ever questioning it or taking a minute to understand the purpose behind even having such a rule exist.

To start, here’s an excerpt from Saloni Saraf’s blog post titled ‘Mandir Misogny‘:

“We teach our daughters to be proud of their bodies, we challenge inequality, and we stigmatise discrimination. Yet we ignore what can only be described as misogynistic beliefs that stem deep into our tradition, and train our women to believe that menstruation is impure, and unclean. Don’t enter the temple as it will not be right. Don’t touch the kitchen utensils as you will stain. Growing up surrounded by a traditional Hindu family, whilst immersed in a liberal, feminist society can confuse anyone who’s genuinely interested in following a religion that runs through her family.”

As some of you read through this post, you may attempt to refute and claim that ‘there’s a science behind why women on their periods are not allowed to enter the temple.’ I preface this post with this statement because I was once forwarded an article by a man who said “see….there’s actual evidence as to why women on their periods shouldn’t enter temples. It’s unsafe for them due to the electromagnetic energy present inside temples.” I laugh thinking about that incident now, but am also irked by the fact that I didn’t do anything about it in that moment because I didn’t even know what was right & what was wrong and what was okay to believe & what wasn’t okay to believe at that time.

Here we are now as I’ve finally decided to do a tad bit more research into all things periods, religion, and feminism as it relates to Hinduism and the Indian culture, specifically.

what is the ‘period & temple’ rule?

Essentially, this unwritten rule states that if you’re a menstruating woman, you are not allowed to enter a temple.

Why? Well, supposedly undergoing a very normal biological process is viewed as ‘dirty’ and ‘impure.’

What is puzzling to me is how Indian culture and religion has selectively chosen when to celebrate periods versus when to shun them.

Many girls I know, including myself, have had a half-saree (i.e. ‘langa voni’) ceremony. The ultimate point of this ceremony is to highlight the girl’s ‘coming of age’ or, to put it bluntly, her period. My ceremony, in particular, was filled with lots of bling-bling jewelry, mouth-watering food, ear-pounding dances, plethora of flashing cameras, and lots and lots of love in the room. I sat in a fancy throne-like chair as all my relatives came to me one-by-one and blessed me. Blessed me for………………………………….getting my period? It’s literally a public declaration of ‘I got my period. Let’s party it up.’

In the olden days, the ceremony signified that a girl has now upgraded to the status of a woman and is finally ready to be married off. In the modern times, I see it as a way for people to, aside from showing off their daughters and wealth, protect some parts of their culture and give families a reason to bring loved ones together in an intimate way. The latter half of the purpose of this ceremony makes sense to me, but the rest of it does not.

If our culture promotes the sumptuous celebration of periods so publicly, why do we suddenly decide to hush them when it comes to temples?

a ‘scientific’ answer.

Referenced Article: Unearthing menstrual wisdom: Why we don’t go to the temple, and other practices

Sinu Joseph writes that the scientific explanation behind periods and temples is found in Ayurveda. Ayurveda is based on three of life’s guiding forces known as the doshas: (a) vata (air), (b) pitta (water), (c) kapha (fire).

Ayurvedic beliefs claim that menstruation helps women remove excess doshas on a monthly basis – essentially a monthly detox. They believe that the vata dosha is at work during these monthly processes and helps menstruation follow a downward flow or passage out of the body. Therefore, anything that disrupts this downward flow of energy during this time of the month should be avoided. Guess what supposedly interferes with this downward flow? The pujas, offerings, chants, and overall vibes of temples.

There was also a section in the article where Joseph conversed with a Guruji from Andhra Pradesh. This Guruji stated:

“What is pure, we don’t touch. And what we don’t touch, we call it a taboo. She (a menstruating woman) was so pure, that she was worshipped as a Goddess. The reason for not having a woman go into a temple is precisely this. She is a living Goddess at that time. The energy of the God or Goddess which is there in the murti will move over to her, and that murti becomes lifeless, while this (the menstruating woman) is life. So that’s why they were prevented from entering the temple. So it is exactly the opposite of what we think”.

This flips the narrative from ‘periods are dirty and impure’ to ‘periods make a menstruating person divine and Goddess-like.’ ……still confused and skeptical.

Here’s what I have to say to all of that ^

Firstly, both of the reasonings mentioned (i.e. interrupting the downward flow and becoming a ‘living Goddess’) do not belittle or demean women for their bodily functions. When we look at how these reasons have evolved over time, we see that it has turned into another way to separate and shame women. Modern society has somehow turned something that was more of a choice and respectful into a rule for menstruating people.

Secondly, I think it’s important to choose what you want to believe because I don’t see any rock-hard, scientifically-backed evidence behind those two reasons. From what I’ve gathered, Ayurveda is pseudoscience and a lot of what the Guruji spoke about is rooted in spirituality and energy that (as of right now) does not have much scientific backing either.

Thirdly, so how do those reasons pertain to the folks who menstruate who are not women?

After all that, my brain can’t help but to ask so who developed these theories? was it other women/menstruating people or was it men who have never experienced menstruation? If it’s the latter, then I think we should continue to furrow our brows, scratch our heads, and look more closely into the loopholes that are presented as ‘science.’

not all women menstruate, and not all people who menstruate are women

When thinking about menstruation, we’ve been conditioned to only think of women. However, we’re leaving out so many others who also menstruate. Allow me to create space to bring to the limelight some people, who don’t necessarily identify as women, who also menstruate (this is by no means an exhaustive list):

  • men
  • transgender people
  • non-binary people
  • gender-nonconforming people

define feminism. [no, we don’t hate men]

feminism (noun): advocating for equality for all genders and sexualities across all races, ethnicities, socioeconomic statuses, sociocultural backgrounds, etc.

Too often feminism is attributed to a movement that is targeting men and thus, people believe that all feminists hate men. This is false.

Feminism at its core is about reclaiming voices and demanding equality for all. This may make some men squirm and feel uncomfortable because suddenly, they don’t have all the power in their possession, making them rather naively think that feminists hate men. We don’t hate men; in fact, I love men!

Also, any human being can be a feminist. Feminism is not for women. It’s for all of us, so all of us can be feminists.

the broader question: is feminism still needed today?

A few days ago, my mom and I got into an argument about body image. I was arguing (potentially even yelling, oops) that women are conditioned to identify their entire beings and worth based on their physical appearance due to the patriarchal nature of our society. My mother reddened with anger and scolded “why are you always saying women and men? not everything is about that.”

I scoffed. That’s the thing, though. If we look at everything occurring in our lives, including our own beliefs, a lot of things are based on that gender divide. I mean look at my own internal dissonance over not entering a temple when I’m on my period vs knowing that this is yet another way to control and ‘other’ women from everyone else. My mother does not understand the many ways in which sexism and misogyny can manifest.

Like my mother, many men and women have told me that in today’s world females are receiving better treatment and are being treated as an equal to a man. I disagree. I believe that there are definitely more conversations occurring in the more privileged spaces surrounding gender discrimination. However, not all of these conversations are being used as a basis for action and not all of these conversations are reaching the most vulnerable and underprivileged sectors of the world, which I believe are the key areas that we should focus on when cultivating such discussions.

Yes: we may have made large strides from the 20th to 21st century, but we are still continuing to live in a male-dominant society.

No: it is not wrong, tiring, or cumbersome to continue to speak up about such injustices.

2023: what to expect here.

Hi Friends!

I realize that it is now February 2023, and it has almost been 2 years since I’ve created this epic space and have catapulted myself back into the writing world.

I wanted to take a moment to appreciate all of you. Though this space is mostly for my inner thoughts to make their way out into the world, I’ve grown to love all of your comments, appreciation, and conversations. Ya’ll make me feel like whatever small amount I’m contributing is enough, so thank you <3.

In addition, I wanted to make a list for what to expect this year. Throughout my 38 conversations with my coffee dates and a plethora of other experiences, I’ve evolved and feel much more changed from the person I was back in 2020. Every time I put something out here, it helps me hold myself accountable, so here it goes.

  1. I want to have more wholesome conversations with people from different backgrounds & perspectives. I learned that I absolutely love connecting with people in the most unexpected ways and speaking from the heart right off the bat (shoutout to the counselors and boys at Bal Ashram for helping me realize this!)
  2. I want to jump onto new opportunities and not hold myself back. If I have the mental energy, I want to go after things if and when they come to me because change is the only constant in life.
  3. Find a more creative voice and act on those creative passions. Starting this blog was my first step into using my creative voice. I think I’m now ready for the next steps. I have a few ideas that I’ve been ruminating about for quite some time now, so 2023 may be that year where I actually bring all of those little creations to life.
  4. 50 coffees?! It is actually insane to me that I only have 12 more coffees to go to hit that 50 coffee mark (I’ll definitely probably make this an ongoing project, but hitting 50 after almost two years will feel incredibly fulfilling).

India Showed Me How Toxic American Independence Is

As an Indian American, I used to once love the American lifestyle that vehemently promotes independence, hard work, and an equal starting ground for all: all elements of the so-called American Dream. As I got older and became more aware of the world around me, I realized that the U.S. is not as amazing as I’ve been conditioned to believe. Just like any other country, the U.S. also has its own flaws – flaws that have been constantly nagging at me since I’ve returned from my month long trip to India recently.

I have grown to love the sense of community and belonging in India. Unlike the U.S., India imbibes more of a collectivist culture. Majority of an Indian’s priority revolves around their families. For example, in the U.S., we’re taught and made to believe that we need to leave our home and be independent by the time we’re 17. In India, on other hand, it’s common to live with your family for the majority, if not all, of your life. Thus, interdependence rather than independence is emphasized in India.

As a result of this interdependent lifestyle, India creates a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart every time because it feels like the entire nation is kinda rooting for me. It’s no longer the idea of ‘you’re on your own and only your hard work can get you to the top of the tier.’ It’s more-so an idea of ‘we are all here to support you.” Note: I recognize that this may be the experience of someone who is extremely privileged in India; the same experience may not be true for others.

An excerpt from “What Italy Taught Me About America’s Toxic Independence Culture” perfectly encapsulates my thoughts:

“The first time I stayed with my boyfriend’s Italian family, I discovered privacy isn’t an Italian priority. His mother snatched our dirty clothes from our bedroom to wash, iron, and fold the first night. The following day, I found my underwear arranged neatly in squares waiting on the bed.

I swear I appreciated it, but I didn’t expect it. I quickly learned the words “mine” and “yours” don’t exist in an Italian family. Everything is “ours.”

As another example, my boyfriend’s extended family — aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends — are also given unlimited access to his time and services. My boyfriend’s cousin needs him to drive 4 hours to pick him up — done! His aunt has a friend who wants him to book her train tickets — No problem!

In an Italian family, boundaries don’t exist, even when it comes to finances. I can’t imagine my boyfriend declaring to a family member or close friend, “you’re asking too much.” or, “I’m sorry, I’m not available.”

At the risk of sounding evil, I have to admit my boyfriend’s can-do attitude initially infuriated me. I grew up in a family that didn’t ask for special favors since, in America, to be a “real adult,” you must take care of yourself alone.”

During my prior visits to India, I hated this idea of having someone do everything for me. Need my clothes washed – give it to the maid. Finished eating and want to wash the dishes – don’t, the maid got it covered. Need to go to the store to pick something up – don’t worry, the driver will go scoop it for you. Need to get a wax, but are too lazy to leave your house – all good, the salon employee will come straight to your home. I’m so used to washing & folding my own clothes, washing my own dishes, cleaning my own house, driving my own car, and literally sometimes even waxing my own legs; so experiencing all of these ‘luxuries’ or amenities was initially frustrating and uncomfortable. It made me feel like I wasn’t in control because America taught me that I must be in control of my own life and I must do everything on my own in order to succeed.

Now that I’m back in the U.S. after a month of immersing myself in the Indian way of life, I feel a disconnect. In fact, I feel a sense of deep loneliness that I believe stems from America’s promotion of toxic independence. I realized that this isn’t just me.

Even before the pandemic, more than 3 in 5 Americans have reported feeling lonely and the percentages have only increased since the pandemic. The remedy or cure that is often offered for such feelings is meditation, exercise, reducing social media usage, get out in nature, etc.

Why is no one understanding that maybe the real cure is to shift from independence to interdependence? Maybe we won’t feel so lonely and disconnected if, as a culture, we promote the idea that living with your parents for the rest of your life is okay; not being financially independent from the age of 16 is okay; taking a break from your job and not always running around to ‘work hard’ is okay. We do not have to do it all on our own.

India taught me that living in harmony with others and using the help & love from others is where the true beauty to life exists.

“If you’re successful in achieving independence, you may fulfill the American ideal. Regrettably, in the process, you’ll extinguish the beauty of life: to live in communion and collaboration with others. Moving to Italy taught me that navigating the world on your own isn’t an accomplishment. It’s a tragedy.” – Isabella Martin

‘b****’: let’s unpack it.

Those of you who have been here a while know that I am a podcast fanatic. I have recently been hooked to Meghan Markle’s Archetypes, which dissects and explores the tropes and labels that have been or are still used to hold women back.

In her recent episode, Meghan sat down with Andy Cohen, Executive Producer of the Real Housewives franchise. Andy mentioned in the episode that one woman in the Real Housewives franchise wanted to use the b-word in her tagline. The word was not approved, however, Andy mentioned that the woman did make her case for why she does not feel offended by the use of that word. On the other hand, Meghan analyzed the b-word and how it was used to belittle women in the past during one of her previous episodes. She was shocked to hear that people from the current generation don’t mind the b-word because it’s used so often. Some also claimed that the b-word is easier to bear compared to all the other words/labels being thrown around today.

I was first introduced to the b-word in elementary school. In fact, I was considered to be one of the “late users” of the word. I didn’t begin using it until around eighth grade because at that point I had heard all of my fellow classmates use it so regularly, so obviously my 14-year-old self adapted to her social environment.

Here’s a confession: Today, I tend to use this word more often and with many of my friends. The b-word is a common vocabulary term that we use to sometimes greet each other, express anger, describe something, etc. However, I don’t think many of us realize that there is such a deep-rooted sexist history to the word. Thus, hearing Meghan Markle describe the b-word as a demeaning label for women was a shock to me, prompting me to research all about it.

what does it mean.

A “bitch” supposedly means a female dog. I’m not sure if this was common knowledge or not, but I simply had no idea or I was just oblivious to the fact that there is an actual definition of this word in the dictionary.

a quick history lesson.

The use of the b-word originates back to the 1400s (Hodgson, 2008). Apparently, calling a woman a b**** was used to accuse her of “being worse than a prostitute because at least a prostitute stood to gain financially from the broad distribution of her sexual favors” (Hodgson, 2008). Let’s pause really quick. Coffee date #5 is a strong advocate for substituting the word ‘prostitute’ with ‘sex workers’ or ‘sex professionals’ because it accepts/validates their labor. Therefore, it is crucial to note that the b-word is seen as something worse than, yet another, sexist, belittling label.

There’s also a link to the b-word and the Greek Gods. Supposedly, the Greek goddess Artemis-Diana, who was the goddess of the hunt, was often depicted as being in the presence of dogs. To spread Christianity and suppress the idea of a female being idolized, Christian Europe used the phrase ‘son of a bitch’ to criticize those who believed in Artemis-Diana (Kleinman et al., 2009). Therefore, this showed that the term ‘bitch’ was used to eradicate images of powerful and capable women by “equating them with sexually depraved beasts” (Kleinman et al., 2009).

why it is used.

Kleinman et al. states that “feminists analyzed that preference [the need to use ‘bitch’ over any male-associated terms, such as ‘jerk’ or ‘dickhead’] as internalized oppression, whereby members of an oppressed group learn to enjoy using the dominant group’s term for them” (2009). *jaw dropped. eyes bulged. gasped for a hot second.*

how it is used.

As mentioned previously, my friends and I tend to use this word nonchalantly. Some of us even use it to describe objects or events. For instance, let’s say we take an incredibly hard exam. Many might say that that “exam was a real bitch.” Others who still struggled through the exam, but felt that they did well might say “I bent that test over and made it my bitch” (these example quotes were taken from the Kleinman et al. paper).

In the former example, the b-word is being associated with “difficult” – yet another label often used to belittle women. In the latter example, the b-word is being associated with something that can be controlled, dominated, or conquered (Kleinman et al., 2009). And for how long have women been controlled and dominated in our largely patriarchal world?

Therefore, the paper noted that using the b-word over any other terms associated with men or masculinity (for example, people rarely say ‘that exam was a real jerk‘) to describe objects is further indicates just how abusive the b-word is towards women and how its use is fueling sexism.

The b-word is also often used in the political space, especially during heated debates and in media articles. During the 2008 primaries in the United States, Sarah Palin was supposedly “viewed as emasculating John McCain, who was then labeled a “bitch” in a comedic YouTube clip titled, “Is McCain Palin’s Bitch?”” (LisaNova, 2008). The fact the b-word was being used to describe a man, a white man nonetheless, immediately displays that its purpose was to ’emasculate’ him. It was also intended to insult the man for allowing himself to be dominated by a woman *insert dramatic eye roll* (Kleinman et al., 2009).

the conclusion.

Honestly, Kleinman et al.’s paper Reclaiming Critical Analysis: The Social Harms of “Bitch” has been incredibly insightful and eye-opening (2009). It shed light on exactly why the b-word is so offensive and why Meghan Markle was so confused as to why this term is such a normal part of millennial vocabulary.

Words hold so much power. They can be healing, grounding, and therapeutic. Yet they can also be sexist, demeaning, and continue to fuel all the labels and stereotypes attributed to different genders, races, classes, and people in general. Thus, we must choose our words carefully and accept it when we are oblivious to terms that are harmful and degrading. From acceptance, we must move towards change and that change can stem from something as simple as conscientiously removing such terms from our vocabulary.

Here are some other related articles and resources I found for any of you interested folks:

  1. Use of the word “bitch” surged after women’s suffrage (Zhou, 2020)
  2. What’s so bad about being called a ‘bitch’? (Taylor-Coleman, 2016)
  3. The Harmless-Sounding Phrase That Is Terrible for All Women (Rinaldi, 2017)