coffee dates

the final coffee date.

by Esha Kode

Go read the final coffee date 🥺 Had a little coffee date with myself and penned down some thoughts.

Many of my coffee dates have told me to have a date with myself for my 50th date, so here I am: sitting in the comfort of a secluded area in my home, by myself, sipping on some warm coffee, and writing…..about myself.

This feels weird. It feels like a diary entry, but this diary entry will be public so do I say everything I want to say or do I sugarcoat it to make it more appealing for the ‘audience’? Do I ask myself the same questions I ask my other dates? Do I write in the third person (🙈)? Naturally, it’s uncomfortable to force myself to reflect and think deeply about myself; it’s easier to guide other people to talk about themselves.

Writing this 50th date also feels bittersweet. We hit 50 coffees 🥺. I know that this is my project and it doesn’t necessarily have to end here, but just the fact that I was able to stick with this for almost over 2 years and follow through with it makes me feel fulfilled and incredibly rejuvenated.

I guess ya’ll are diving into my world now? Welcome :>

Diving into the world of Esha Kode….

a coffee update

by Esha Kode

It’s 2023 and I am 38 coffees in, with 3 more already lined up bringing me to 41 within the first quarter of the year.

2 whole years later, we’re finally getting closer to the magic number: 50. Thus, I wanted to do some reflecting.

I started Fifty Coffees, inspired by Lindsay Ratowsky’s blog, to push myself out of my comfort zone and start meeting/re-connecting with people in my life. It was a project that I began for myself. However, this project has now evolved into something that is much bigger than me. I now see Fifty Coffees as a medium for allowing me to share people’s stories with all of you.

I realized that somewhere along the line the project’s purpose changed from me trying to figure out my life to me trying to help others understand that every person has a story and every person deserves for their stories, lessons, and experiences to be heard.

This project has also given me the chance to build more intimate connections right off the bat. Spending an hour of intentional time debriefing each other on life and being utterly comfortable with vulnerability immediately peels away the superficial layer that most relationships start with.

Finally, I found that going on these coffee dates, talking to these precious souls, and then writing about them is actually one of the few things in life that brings me consistent amounts of joy. It’s a little self-care project!

12 more coffees to go!

that person.

by Esha Kode

Last week, I had an epiphany.

I was always one of those people who said “I don’t need to see people all the time. I don’t like people. I like picking up from where we left off.”

I realized that every time I said that I was bullshitting myself and the people I was saying that to.

After Shivdaballer entered my life, a lot changed. I had never felt such an incredible connection with anyone else up until that point.

Shivdaballer is in the 7-year medical program, meaning she graduated after 2 years of undergrad (unfortunately for me). Since we ended high school and began college during the pandemic, I only met her when we were allowed back on campus – our sophomore year. This meant that I literally only had one year to cultivate a relationship with her, get unbelievably close, and then bid her goodbye.

Here I am now, my junior year of college – no longer conquering the campus with Shivdaballer. Meeting and connecting with someone on such a deep level and then suddenly realizing that that person will always stay in your life, but will not be with you for the next two years of your undergrad life hits hard. It cuts deeper when I see other people deepening their relationships because I find myself getting jealous that they get to have that extra time. My cousin put it this way, “You’re grieving the time you couldn’t have. It is normal to feel that way.”

There’s a reason why it took me much longer to get readjusted to the college life after Shivdaballer left compared to when I lost touch with many of my high school friends as I transitioned into college. Shivdaballer taught me a lot – a lot about life, a lot about myself.

The biggest thing she taught me, though, is to just not take myself so seriously. I used to always get hung up over the littlest things in life. Oftentimes, I’d be afraid of how I’ll be perceived; sometimes I’d freak out over academics. Shivdaballer showed me that really none of that matters. It’s important to work our butts off to get to where we want, but she made me realize that I can have everything and anything I want without ruining myself. She also taught me to embrace every inch of who I am. There were so many times when we’d walk out of our apartment wearing the most shittiest clothes and strut through campus without a care in the world because she showed me that people don’t care, and those who do, don’t matter.

There’s a long list of lessons and realizations that I can continue to write about, but my point in writing this post is to remind myself (and everyone else reading) that many people will come and go. However, there will be some who will come, stay, and be the main people at your Wedding Party. Shivdaballer is one of those who will always stay in my life and will be the wacko taking shot after shot with me at my wedding. It’s comforting to know that we can meet people at any time, especially during the most unexpected times, and they will just uproot our lives for the better.

Love you Shivdaballer ❤

25 Coffee Recap!

by Esha Kode

WE FINISHED 25 COFFEE DATES IN 2021!

In a world where technology is so prevalent and social connection is no longer of utmost priority, I’m amazed that I was able to connect with 25 people to talk about our lives. 2021 was one of the most enriching and soulful years I’ve had yet solely because of this project.

Here are some of my thoughts so far:

  1. I’m actively trying to incorporate some of the lessons I’ve learned from these dates into my own life. For example, coffee date #15 talked about the importance of saying no in college. Last semester, I used his wisdom to prevent myself from staying up incredibly late just to finish one homework assignment. There were many times where I put my overall well being before academics because our lives are so much more than the letter grades we receive.
  2. I’ve become more spontaneous. This is in part due to coffee date #25. Being more spontaneous also helped me take more risks. A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to become a licensed pilot. I even flew a plane for the first time ever and was absolutely in love!
  3. I learned that humans are truly three-dimensional beings. There are SO MANY authentic layers behind every single one of my coffee dates, and to think that I would not have figured that out if I hadn’t sat down with them for a date. 🙈

Some lingering questions/future directions:

  1. Do I stop at 50 or do I keep going?
  2. I need to do a better job at implementing some of the things that the coffee dates have told me.
  3. I should keep in touch (as much as possible) with these dates after we had our dates.
  4. Should I only do coffee dates with people I know?

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. We have one more year to go – 25 more dates to go – and I’m ecstatic to share everyone’s incredible personalities with you all! I may or may not have another project idea in mind after I complete my dates, soooo stay tuned for that 🥰