Someone replies, “Wow, that’s impressive! You must be so productive and hardworking.”
“Yeah, I am. Sleep is a waste of time. Every second you’re sleeping, you’re missing out on a chance to accomplish all your life goals.”
Since when has our productivity become linked with our physical and mental health? Although incorrect, society continues to teach the growing generation that hard work trumps everything. Known as the “Hustle Culture,” it has been ingrained in children early on that if they are not constantly at their maximum productivity, they’re falling behind in life.
But on whose standards has that person fallen behind? Who deems how hard someone must work to achieve their own life goals? Who says that you can’t achieve all your goals in life while also making room for sleep, food, exercise, family, and friends?
The modern education system thrives on “Hustle Culture”. Students are provided a motive to put their health on the backburner simply for grades and the “pride” of making it onto the Honor Roll or Dean’s List. Many social media influencers glorify “Hustle Culture” and toxic productivity by posting content of themselves up at 4:00 am and working until 11:59 pm. Parents support “Hustle Culture” by comparing other children to their own.
This is nonsense.
There is no point in staying up to work if the work you do is of bad quality! It is not necessary to sacrifice your health for your dreams and aspirations. In fact, there is no way you will attain those aspirations if you sacrifice yourself in the process.
Hustle culture inevitably leads to burnout, which is defined as a “state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.”
According to Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola in the 1900s:
“Imagine life as a game in which you’re juggling 5 balls in the air. You can name them work, family, health, friends, and spirit. And you’re keeping all of these things in the air. You will soon understand that work is like a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls are made of glass. If you drop them, they’ll be scuffed, damaged, and potentially even shattered. They will never be the same again.”
With the constant stimulation from the outside world, we become our worst enemies. We feel guilty if we take a day to just relax because all of the celebrities and “successful” people supposedly never stop “hustling.” But do not forget, social media shows us only the best of people, rarely the worst.
Don’t compare yourself to others’ standards. Compare yourself to the holistic standards of your mind and body combined. Productivity should not come at the price of your health, family, friends, and ultimately, yourself.
Be present. Be mindful. And be “productive,” in your own way.
A mother called me today and told me about her daughter’s declining mental health. She was vulnerable with me and opened up about her daughter’s loneliness.
In the beginning few minutes of the call, I felt honored that the mother felt comfortable enough to share this with me and thought that I could help. Further into the call I realized that, when I was younger, I was a part of that group at parties that would exclude this mother’s daughter – not because we disliked her, but because she was always so quiet and we felt that she wouldn’t fit in. I regret it so much now because what if I was the one that took that extra step to talk to her during one of those parties? Would she have felt less lonelier now knowing that not everyone treats her like a ghost?
I realize that I’ve done this multiple times throughout my childhood. I’ve excluded many others solely because I was lucky enough to be a part of the larger group. As I’m becoming more self aware, I’m getting more disgusted at my younger self for behaving like such an idiot. Hell, maybe I still do treat some people like crap and I don’t even realize it because it’s embedded in me.
This reminds me of coffee date #4‘s conversation, where he told me:
“There is definitely something that we all did, whether consciously or unconsciously, that someone thinks about everyday.” – Jai Gill, 2021
I’m grossed out, disappointed, and scared.
Grossed out because I was such a freaking ass who blindly went with the rest of the crowd, afraid that I wouldn’t fit in.
Disappointed because I had 0 self-awareness, self-assurance, or even empathy to value every single person around me. Who tf am I to decide who is or isn’t good enough to be a part of the larger group? Wait. Why do we even need groups?
Scared because what if I keep doing this unconsciously? How do I train myself to be more conscious and inclusive of everyone around me? Sounds ridiculously simple and even stupid, but it’s truly unnerving once you realize that you’ve made grave mistakes in the past.
This may sound trivial, but I’ve recently (meaning two days ago) realized how dependent my mood is on the weather. For the past couple of months, weather in NJ has been shitty to say the least. Spontaneous snow storms, cold nights, frosty mornings.
I remember when quarantine first started in March 2020, I was heavily dependent on my morning walks/jogs, afternoon bike rides, driveway workouts because these were the only ways for me to get out of my anxious head and focus on something else. I even slept with my windows open because feeling the energy of Nature made me feel less suffocated and more liberated. As November and December came rolling around, I was no longer able to continue those activities nor was I able to leave the windows open because the weather was not allowing me to. That’s when, I realized, my anxiety started spiraling.
I am in awe with the fact that my anxiety is far better when I am in contact with Nature. This explains why the winter months are sometimes exhausting to get through because I have no damn escape route.
These last 2 days, Mother Nature turned around and the weather has been absolutely beautiful. I’ve gone on hour long walks and absorbed all the energy radiating not only from Nature itself (the sun, trees, wind), but also from the other families I see and their kids running around chaotically. It’s remarkable and makes me feel so wholesome. I feel so much more connected to myself and the rest of the world.
After spending simply an hour outside, I find myself more ready to attend classes and do the same amount of mentally draining work without feeling so deeply anxious all the time.
I’ve never understood those people who claimed that reading books had changed their lives because I have always been a movie person. Movies for me were game changers because I was able to feel what the actors and actresses felt as I watched the story unfold for two hours. So, I never understood how reading words can truly change a person’s life in the same way that a film could. I’m glad that I finally understood that this is indeed possible – books can impact us in the most profound way and Untamed is one of those books.
“I do not adjust myself to please the world. I am myself wherever I am, and I let the world adjust.”
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
I read this book for about 15 minutes every night. After a long day of classes, meetings, and work I would wind down and cozy up in my bed to read the raw and powerful writing of Glennon Doyle. I found that I was actually going to bed with a new sense of comfort and wholesomeness after reading a few pages at night.
One of the most gripping things I learned from Untamed was the concept of discovering our Knowing and sitting with it until we declutter our minds. Doyle describes this in an impeccable way. Allowing ourselves to close our eyes and examine every thought that waves into our mind will give us a sense of clarity. Everyone has a Knowing, so it’s just a matter of unleashing it and honing in on it.
Every time Doyle talked about how society “cages” us into the largely patriarchal system that we have enforced, I was in awe. How could I have been so oblivious? How did I not see that what my parents taught me were conditioning me to stay locked in a cage? It was mind-blowing.
“Children are either taught by the adults in their lives to see cages and resist them, or they are trained by our culture to surrender to them. Girls born into a patriarchal society become either shrewd or sick. It’s one or the other.”
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
During my childhood I was always told to be or act a certain way so that society accepts me. I’m not blaming my parents because that’s also what they were taught, so they did not know any better. However, our generation has so many resources available to realize that society is a goddamn cage and our lives are way too colossal to fit into one.
I remember a night where my relatives and I were sitting in our family room. The adults were talking about one of my cousins getting married and then the conversation diverted to one of the uncles asking the three of us young girls what type of person we wanted to marry. The other two girls replied with the cliché answer, “I don’t care who they are as long as they are kind and a good person.” I, on the other hand, not knowing that this was some sort of test replied, “I’d like someone who makes sure he smells good and has a job.” Everyone laughed. I was 10 years old.
After everyone left, my mom came into my room and told me, “Esha, you can’t say stuff like that. When people ask you that question you should say that you care more about their personality.”
“Amma, I obviously care about the person’s personality. I was just trying to joke around. But I would prefer it if they had good BO,” I replied.
My mom sighed and said, “I know Esha, but not everyone is going to take it as a joke and they will think that you actually mean it which won’t look good for us.”
Caged. My mom was raised to adhere to society and mold herself into what the world wanted from her. She was never taught to allow the world to mold itself around her.
“What if parenting became less about telling our children who they should be and more about asking them again and again forever who they already are?”
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
I’ve been living with this restless feeling and an immense amount of energy that I can feel bubbling around me and encouraging me to go do something. I thought I was odd and abnormal because no one else seemed to feel so restless in their body and life all the time like I was, so I tried to push that feeling down as far as I could. It would come back every morning, and so everyday I would force it to go back down. After reading Untamed, I realized I’m not the only one with this nagging feeling that seeps beyond the boundaries of my body. It’s not something I should inhibit, but instead something I should release. It’s not something that I should allow to fit into a cage, but something I should unleash from that cage.
I used to have a hard time going to sleep. My grandma would attest to that. I would roll around and take a good 30-45 minutes to fall asleep. That was maybe a few years ago.
Now, at around 11:00pm, I cozy myself into bed and am able to fall asleep in 10 minutes. It sounds stupid to even talk about it, but this one action truly changed the way I function every day- manifesting.
When I get into bed, I picture and imagine myself doing exactly what I hope to achieve in the future. This ranges from the wildest, like walking at NYFW as a supermodel, being on the Forbes Under 30 List, to the simplest, like traveling to Varanasi, India and finding my spiritual self or succeeding during a simple pediatric surgery. Picturing myself in the moment doing what I love and being awarded for doing what I love puts me to sleep in minutes. Why? Because I’m at peace with myself in those wavering minutes before I close my eyes and wait for the day to restart.
Manifestation is real folks. I would tell you how Merriam-Webster defined manifestation, but I didn’t like their version. However, I totally agree with Kelsey Aida’s definition: “to me a manifestation (noun) is something you bring forth into your physical life experience through past thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. This could be an experience, an object, a person… anything!” Beautifully said!
The best part of this whole manifestation spiel is that it’s so easy to practice! I mean it’s “so easy” only if you are so clear on what exactly you want.
Let me list out the steps that you can take to realize the power of manifestation and even implement it into your life.
Hone in on what you want and what you want to ask for. Yeah, I’m literally asking you to ask yourself “What do you want? What do you want the Universe to listen to and reply to you with?”
A few years ago, I hosted and organized my very own TEDx event called, TEDxYouth@ConinesMillPond. The event occurred during my late junior year of high school. It took me over a year to put that event together not because it was hard finding relevant and amazing speakers or locking a venue or finding volunteers or advertising. It was hard because my application got rejected 5 times. 5 freaking times.
TEDx organizer applications are not short and easy. They take an immense amount of thought and effort. The first 2 times, I guess I didn’t really care that much. My ego was hurt for sure because I’ve never been rejected THAT many times for anything before, but it still didn’t kill me because hosting and organizing was not a burning passion of mine.
After the third rejection, I don’t know if I became more engrossed in the event than I was originally, but it hurt. It hurt a lot. I was thinking of giving up. I was over it. I was sick of it, but then I realized I really really really wanted it. I wanted to host and organize the first ever TEDx event in my town and talk about mental health openly.
I started to completely involve myself in re-building the TEDx application. I went to bed picturing myself on the stage, hosting and anchoring the event with professional cut-outs of “TEDxYouth@ConinesMillPond” in the back. I would be in the middle of school and would suddenly get an idea for a theme or venue or speaker and would immediately ask the teacher to use the restroom, but in reality would go to my locker and jot down the idea. I was constantly thinking about the event and picturing myself IN the event. Took 5 tries, but it happened folks: I got accepted!
The Universe obviously listened. It didn’t react as fast as I would have liked it to, but there’s definitely a reason for that too: it wanted to wait until I was absolutely sure that this was what I wanted to do.
Step 2:
Patience my friend. Patience.
In her post, Kelsey says “the Universe wouldn’t plant an idea or inspiration in your head that it could not achieve for you.”
PREACH! If you believe and want something so much, then there’s obviously a reason you got the idea to believe and want it! So, be patient and let the Universe do its thing.
Step 3:
Implement the chemistry concept of “like dissolves like” into your life.
Your “manifestation powers” are not going to immediately give you what you want because “your energy has to match that of what you are asking for in order for it to come anywhere near you.”
Just like how “like dissolves like” in chemistry with the solvents and solutes, what you want will only appear to you if your energy vibes with what you want.
All of us have days when we really want something. For example, a close person to me really wanted to pursue a PhD. She talked about it for a couple months and was passionate about it, but there was always some hesitation. After really contemplating if gaining a PhD was what she truly wanted, she realized that she wanted to pursue a PhD not for herself, but in fact, for her family- to prove them a point.
Yes, she really wanted that PhD for a little time, but her “energy” was not at the same capacity as what she asked the Universe for.
Step 4:
Stop, Drop, & Be Content
Kelsey mentions that “you have to be in a place of nonresistance in order to receive your manifestation.”
Nonresistance means at peace with yourself.This can be done differently for everyone. For me, it’s running in the mornings. I find that when I run in the mornings, long before my whole house wakes up, I am more zen and aware of my thoughts and actions throughout the course of the day. For others, this might mean doing some yoga or meditation, painting, driving, praying, etc.
This works because “when you stop thought you are open and connected to the Universe.”
Step 5:
Constantly opt for thoughts, people, and things that will increase your “energy”
Increasing your energy will match it with the Universe’s and you will be that much closer to gaining your manifestation.
This process of practicing manifesting may also throw you down a path of honing in on the toxicity in your life and disposing it.
This toxic energy can come from objects as well as people. Dispose of the objects. Maintain a distance with the people.
Conclusion
Wanna know a little secret? I manifested the idea of creating a non-profit and having a website for the longest time- 3 years to be exact!
Try manifesting. Give it time and really choose the high energy path. Immerse yourself in your new visions and ideas. Give the Universe time to reply.
For more detailed and expert steps on manifestation, be sure to check out Kelsey Aida’s Website!
When I first listened to Denzel Washington’s speech I was moved to tears. The profoundness and clarity he gives through his speech stuck with me in the most astonishing way.
In his speech he asks, “How many ghosts are gonna be around your bed when your time comes?”
For many of us, our answer to that question is a lot. We have so many dreams that we want to fulfil, but we never set goals to get them done. As a result, “dreams without goals, will remain as dreams.”
The problem is, we know that we are the only ones standing in between our dreams and our ability to actually attain those dreams. Yet, we remain in this perpetual state of rigidness when it comes to just acting upon our dreams.
We often think of our dreams as this unreachable part of our lives, but I read somewhere that if an idea was planted in your head, then that means that it is humanly possible to achieve it– no matter who you are, where you’re from, and what you do.
With such a massive number of dreams to fulfil, it’s easy for us to feel engulfed by the turmoil created by our external factors. Our generation is taught to fear failure, to fear change, but someone once said that change is the only constant we have in our lives. Mind blown! Change is the only constant we have in our lives!
It scares the living daylight out of us to put so much effort into something and then to fail at it. I never wholeheartedly believed in anything because I didn’t want to feel the pain of not gaining the thing that I believed in, so I NEVER got my hopes up. However, I now realize that we have to let ourselves feel it all- the rejection, the sadness, the happiness, everything- to truly mature.
For example, my junior year of high school, I realized my dream college was UPenn. I put my heart and soul into doing everything I possibly could to be a part of Penn’s Class of 2024. I perfected every detail on my supplemental essays, worked extra hard for the remaining 2 years of high school, flew to Wisconsin alone to intern at a rehab center, hell, I even made an optional portfolio video.
I did all that and got deferred. After finding out about my deference, I took a long, steaming hot shower, in which If I had closed the drain, I definitely would’ve been able to bathe in my own tears. It hurt like hell! I took some time to analyze my failure and bounced back to work my ass off again to make sure my deference letter was absolutely perfect. After I submitted my deference letter, I straight up just got rejected. Once again, I showered it off, cried it out, and analyzed the failure to ensure that I don’t fail in that same way again.
One of the most important things I did learn from my rejection from Penn was that in order to progress through this journey we call life, it is essential that we submerge in failure and be resilient enough to bounce back up.
My New Year’s Resolution for 2021 is to be okay with being a failure. It’s okay for us to be failures as long as we take the time to learn from them and then, to never fail in that same way again. By understanding failure, we can all evolve into even greater human beings and potentially knock out the ghosts of our unfulfilled dreams, one-by-one, that may appear at our deathbed.
I am the queen of setting an excessive number of New Year’s resolutions and then not following through with them throughout the course of that year. Two days ago I found this 👇🏽 gem of an Apple note that I created in December 2018 (being a bit vulnerable by sharing the screenshot :/). It was a wholesome, yet weird feeling to ruminate over this list nearly 2 years later.
Thank god Apple saved this note because it has now given me the chance to reflect.
I like how the 2018 me was trying to dig into bettering myself internally. Not gonna lie, I laughed when I read “give 0 shits about other people’s opinions.” Reading that made me realize that at one point in my life, I was obsessed over other people’s opinions of me. I based so many decisions off of their opinions, which is never the healthy option! I’m proud of my 2018 self to have realized that and have written it down as one of my resolutions (definitely took more than a year to get over that obsessive feeling, but am reaching that goal slowly, but surely).
The “keep your relationships with people” bullet point hit me. It’s still relevant to me two years later. This is something that I’ve been working on a bit extra in 2020. I’m not sure how this always ends up happening, but after I spend too much time with someone, the relationship just naturally dissipates – I blame myself for this, but it’s possible that both of us are at fault. To form lifelong friendships, I need to learn how to maintain those relationships, so this list was a good reminder that this should be a lifelong resolution of mine.
“Be a proud Indian” took me on a trip back down memory lane when I was practically ashamed of being an Indian woman (a feeling that most Indian Americans probably have felt at some point in their lives). This one took more than a year to fulfill, however, I am glad that I could accomplish that resolution from my list because I sure am a proud Indian.
Thank the lord for bullet journaling because I can proudly say that I have fulfilled another one of my 2019 resolutions: no more procrastination.
I do recognize that there were some major flaws in the making of my 2019 resolutions: 1) there were way too many resolutions, making it hard to fulfill all of them in just a year 2) I wasn’t specific enough. My 2021 resolutions are going to be far different from the list I made for 2019. I’m going to outline them below, so that I hold myself accountable for these resolutions.
2021 New Year’s Resolutions:
Journal
Be more patient
Don’t feel guilty
Journal: Journaling is something that almost every “self-help” coach, successful entrepreneur, and even therapists suggest that we do; however, we mostly don’t listen to the advice of these experts. I blame my laziness and anxiousness on my inability to journal. In order to journal, I would need to carve out time from my schedule to write about my life. This means I’m losing time from doing other “more productive” work, like studying, spending time with Arya, even watching Netflix. Nonetheless, it’s crucial for every single person to spend a minimum of at least a half hour, if not more, with just ourselves and our thoughts. I don’t give myself enough time to process everything I’ve done in the day nor do I have time to process my feelings. I believe that journaling will force me to acknowledge, validate, and reflect on my own thoughts and emotions. This will make me more self-aware and will hopefully enable me to better myself.
Be more patient: I get super tense if I fall off my schedule (even if it’s by a minute). This results in unnecessary panicking and releasing that panic as anger on my family if they arrive in time during my panic sessions. Recently, I saw the talk by Mel Robbins linked below 👇🏽 in which she explains “The 5 Second Rule.” In 2021, I want to incorporate this rule into my life, so that I can not only propel myself to do things that paralyze me, but also work on being more patient, attentive, and amicable towards my family and friends as it’s a way to control toxic emotions from diverting onto others.
Don’t feel guilty: Guilt and I go way back and it’s one of my most stable and toxic relationships. With this newfound time during 2020, I was able to reflect on this feeling and realize that guilt is my biggest paralyzer. For example, in a simple situation, like eating ice cream once in a while to please my period cravings, I feel an immense amount of guilt afterwards. I am unnecessarily brutal to myself after falling prey to the delicious, creamy taste of Cold Stone’s chocolate devotion ice cream because I attribute this once-in-a-while action to the reason why I’m never going to reach my fitness goals. Guilt accompanies me in the most complex situation as well: when I won my pageant title, a tiny tinge of guilt followed with the sash and crown. I felt guilty for winning (especially the national pageant title) because I felt as though many other contestants slayyed their talent round, speech, or walk better than I had. In the latter situation, this is what is supposedly known as unhealthy guilt. When dealing with unhealthy guilt, the outcomes are rarely in our hands. As a result, it’s crucial to work on changing our mindsets instead of succumbing to that guilty feeling that ends up making us feel worthless in the end.
Esha Kode 